Page 52 of The Starling and the Hatter

Anger sparked inside me. “Of course it matters. This is my life. The path I choose matters.”

“The path is inconsequential if you don’t know what you want. If you don’t know your destination, the path you take makes no difference.”

I glared at her. “I’m asking for advice.”

“Then tell me what you want,” she demanded, her gaze steady.

I hated that I didn’t have an answer. Robert was wonderful and exciting. He made me want to be braver, yet whenever I was with him, I felt unsteady. Most of the time, I enjoyed that feeling. The feeling of falling and not knowing where I would land. But sometimes, especially lately, it felt precarious instead of exciting. But did that mean I needed to be braver? Or did it mean I needed to step back?

What would the mother of wolves do? She sang songs that brought life back to the desolate. Was this a way that I could do that? If I went after Robert, would that bravery bring us together? Would I be singing life into the possibility of Robert and me? I groaned in frustration. “I don’t know, Kat. Tell me what I should want.”

Kat’s eyes softened and a sad smile curved her mouth. “I can’t tell you what you want, especially when it involves my brother.”

“You don’t need to protect Hatcher from me.” In fact, I resented the idea. “It’s not as though he’s pining for me, Kat. I’m not keeping him from pursuing any other girls.”

“How would you know?” she retorted.

I blinked. “What?” What did that mean?

“Nothing.” She turned away from me.

“Don’t say nothing. Tell me what you meant. If you’re going to accuse me of keeping your brother from being happy, you’d better be able to explain why. I want nothing but good things for Hatcher.”

She looked back at me, her brow defiant, and shook her head. “I won’t gossip about my brother. I love you. You know I do, Elise. But my loyalty is to him first.”

An ache shot through my heart. Not only because she’d chosen Hatcher over me, but because it reminded me of the kind of loyalty—true loyalty—that could exist between siblings. Her words just multiplied my confusion. Was she implying that Hatcher was waiting around for me? Wanting me? Or was he just hoping I’d choose someone so that he could stop feeling obligated to take care of me?

Was that it? Had I become a burden to the Hatchers? A hindrance to their happiness and prospects? Was this suggestion from Kat more than just a crazy idea? Maybe she was trying to tell me I should move on.

I didn’t know. I didn’t know, and I couldn’t talk about it anymore.

So I turned away and crawled into my own bed, turning to face the wall and shutting her out. Shutting out the idea that my long-ago feelings for him might be rearing up to wreak havoc on Hatcher and his entire family.

Her suggestion kept me up long into the night. She’d called me independent. She made it sound like I could do anything I wanted…but could I? And was I brave enough to admit that Robert was what I wanted? Maybe I had lost myself with the Hatchers. Maybe I had changed. Maybe I was meant to be more like Robert, rugged and fierce and prepared to take risks because we could see the potential reward. And as much as I hated to imagine it, what if the Hatchers were ready for me to move on? What if they needed me to go, but were too kind to suggest such a thing?

17

Elise

I returned to the tent after a full day of performing, my steps slow, my heart heavy. What was I going to do? What was the right thing to do?

I pulled my hat from my head with a sigh and was startled when Hatcher suddenly appeared at my side. “Are you ready to go?” he asked, his face excited.

“Go where? Home?”

“No. Well, yes. Home first so that we can eat, but then we’ll go to the village dance.”

My eyebrows jumped. “They’re doing one tonight? While the festival is going?”

He grinned. “Yes. It will be a bash, I’m sure.”

He was so excited about it that despite my turmoil over him and Robert and…everything, his enthusiasm started to rub off on me, just a little. We always had a grand time at the dances whenever we were in town and able to participate.

“Come on,” he said, grabbing my hand and tugging me along. “You can change at home.”

I did my best to match my shorter strides to his long ones, while trying to ignore the odd feeling of rightness that having his hand in mine produced.

As we neared the house, Kat ran out the front door to meet us. “We’re going, right?” she said, wrapping her arms around my elbow and pulling me away from Hatcher. “Tell me he convinced you.”