Page 64 of The Starling and the Hatter

“That’s not the same. If you wanted to keep spending time together, why didn’t you come to Dressle?”

He rocked back on one foot and pushed a hand through his hair. “I couldn’t go to Dressle.”

“Why?” I was tired of his vague, unsatisfying answers.

“When I was there in the spring, there was a…misunderstanding.”

“What kind of misunderstanding?”

“A shop owner noticed something missing, and since I was close at hand, he thought I’d done it. He was adamant that I’d done it. To have someone to blame for something like that…” He shook his head. “I couldn’t go back to a place where I’ve been unfairly accused of thievery, could I?”

For a minute, I wondered if he really had stolen it, but he seemed genuinely upset by the situation. And I remembered how affronted he’d looked the one time I suggested that he was looking for marks. No, Robert wasn’t a thief, and I could understand why he wouldn’t return to a place where that’s what they thought of him. “You could have just told me that. Said a proper farewell.”

“You’re right,” he said, looking contrite. “I should have, but I was antsy and ready to be on the move again.”

“And yet you didn’t stay in Stormbrook for the festival.”

He grinned. “That’s because when I was in Stormbrook the week before the festival, I realized how lucrative such a thing can be for a lone performer. Everyone is looking forward to the festival, waiting for it, which means they’re thrilled to see a magician a week early.”

He looked so proud of himself, and I wondered just how lucrative his need to wander had been. Then I was annoyed that he had left me a riddle, daring me to follow him, and then not shown the courtesy of waiting for me. I was about to point out just that when I remembered it didn’t matter. In fact, I was grateful he hadn’t been there, because it had allowed me the time and space to realize the truth of who I was, and who he was. So instead I set aside my annoyance and just said, “I’m glad it worked out for you.”

He looked relieved. “So tell me what’s going on. You came all the way here and now you want to leave? Back to Dressle?”

“No, to Winhaven.”

“Winhaven?” He was clearly surprised, but then he nodded. “Well, that’s fine. It might be fun to split the week between here and Winhaven. And you don’t want to travel on your own. Wait two days and we can travel together.”

Two days. I didn’t want to wait two days. But then I was also anxious about traveling by myself. Walking with the Pruetts had been bad enough. Still, two days seemed like a long time now that I knew my feelings, now that I recognized the awful ache inside of me that I suspected would only go away once I was with Hatcher again.

“Don’t you want to rest for a while?” he pointed out. “Sing for a while?”

He had a point. I’d fully intended to stay out the week here, earning money for the journey back to Dressle. I didn’t know that I had enough supplies to get to Winhaven if I didn’t put in at least a day’s work.

I was starting to feel foolish. I’d gone off seeking adventure with White, only to decide that Hatcher was who I really wanted, and now I planned to go chasing after him without a plan or proper funds.

I took a deep breath. Clearly I needed to slow down and clear my head before diving headlong into anything.

***

I stayed, but only for one day. I sang my heart out to earn enough so that I could load my pack with food and take the road to Winhaven.

I didn’t tell Robert that I was going. Something about Robert made me squeamish, and I could no longer say that I really trusted him. So I set off on my own, following along the cliffs that fell off into the ocean. I’d never seen so much water before. The vastness of the Alayan Sea stretched to the horizon, rising and falling with great power and tremendous breath.

When night started to settle over me, I realized there were no protective trees to shelter under, just the wide expanse of the ragged cliffs. Though I could see far in every direction, the roar of the ocean would make it almost impossible to hear someone approaching while I slept. Unease crept into my gut and my eyes darted around wildly, looking for any sort of protection. I kept walking, my eyes peeled for any outcropping of rock that might be big enough for me to lie down behind.

I had passed only three other travelers during the day, each walking on their own with a heavy pack on their back. I’d given each a wide berth, choosing to walk nearer the cliff’s edge rather than directly on the path. None had given me a second look.

It was nearly dark when I found a large boulder rising out of the cliff that had a nice crevice behind it. I built my fire against the rock, grateful that the only animals likely to be near were sea birds.

I sat stiff by my fire at first, worrying about what the night would bring. Worrying that it would take longer to get to Winhaven than I expected. What if I missed Marshall and Hatcher? What if they’d decided to skip Winhaven just like they had skipped Faehurst? If I was left to travel from Winhaven to Dressle on my own…The prospect made my gut clench.

I had to remind myself that Hatcher wasn’t like Robert. Hatcher was reliable. If he planned to go to Winhaven, then that’s where he would be. I fixated on all that I knew of Hatcher’s character, and as I watched the flames shuddering in the constant breeze, I started to relax.

The waves roared and the clear sky sparkled with more stars than I’d ever been able to see before, and with that blanket of stars, I let myself remember the comfort of sleeping under the stars in my mother’s loving arms. I thought over all that Garnet had taught me and all that I’d started to remember about the mother of wolves. I tried again to remember the exact words my mother had used when telling the story, hoping that somehow I could weave some of her words into my own song.

I fell asleep with the memory of my own mother’s love wrapped around me.

A scuffle woke me.