Page 71 of The Starling and the Hatter

I blew out a breath. “I’ve been trying to let the scenery distract me. I just can’t believe they’re here. I can’t—” Then I shook my head, hating how fear of my own brothers ate at my heart. I chewed on my thumb as I stared at the deep-green hedges around us. “Tell me something else. I don’t want to talk about them.”

I felt something on my other hand and looked down to where it rested on my knee. Hatcher had wrapped his pinkie around mine. I looked up at him. He studied my face, and after a moment, he set the fabric on the ground beside him and moved closer, taking my hand fully in his as he knelt in front of me. “Before…all of this,” he said, glancing around with a sardonic grin, “you said you wanted to talk.”

The way he gripped my hand and leaned closer stole my breath. Had he always looked at me this way? Had he always leaned in? “Yes,” I said, remembering just how much I had to say.

His look turned a bit desperate. “Are you going to tell me what you wanted to say, or am I expected to wonder forever?”

I stared into his eyes and reached a tentative hand to his cheek.

His lips parted and he let out a puff of breath, but the rest of him was frozen, like he was afraid to scare me away, like he wanted. Then his throat convulsed on a swallow. “Elise,” he said in a broken whisper. “Please say it.”

“Say what?” I asked as I tried to gather my nerve.

He reached up and put his hand over mine, holding it in place on his cheek. “Whatever it is you wanted to say.”

I wanted to believe that the pinched emotion I saw in his eyes and the way he clung to my hand meant that he yearned for me in the same way I yearned for him, and that it wasn’t just protectiveness or friendly concern. I thought I could feel his want for me, but saying the words was too frightening, too clear and final, especially when the knowledge of how I felt was so new to me.

As his eyes caressed my face, his other hand settled against my waist and he moved a little closer. The warmth of his hand on my hip gave me courage, so I leaned in, just a little at a time, waiting to see if he would pull away or turn aside. Instead, he closed his eyes and waited, so I leaned in a little more. My body was quivering with nerves by the time my lips reached his, settling against their softness.

He sighed, and just as he started to push forward, pressing his lips more firmly against mine, a rustling of leaves and a burst of giggles made me pull back and look around in panic. Another couple had found our little hideaway, and after noticing us, they were quickly trying to retreat. The man pulled the grinning woman away by the waist, muttering about finding their own corner.

My heart pounded from being startled, but even more from the interrupted moment. My gaze darted back to Hatcher, and I saw the same frantic energy humming through him that I felt. I hated that our first moment of what could have been…something had been so thoroughly ruined, but reclaiming it was impossible. We were not alone here and we needed to stay on our guard.

Hatcher’s hand tensed on my hip before letting go. He cleared his throat and picked up the dark fabric from the ground, then moved to sit on the bench beside me. “This won’t be as pretty as the rest of your costume, but hopefully it will hide your face enough.” His voice was husky.

I nodded, my fingers toying with the brooch that held my cape in place. I sat there, my mind running with worries about my brothers, and worries about Hatcher and how he felt about me, because clearly he felt something.

“Here,” he said a few minutes later. “Let’s try this.” He reached up and wrapped the dark fabric around my head in the same way that the fortune tellers did. It banded low on my forehead, and he’d attached some of the green feathers along the edge to hang down over my eyes.

“I’m sorry if it tickles,” he said.

“It does, but it will be worth it.”

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t think of a better way to do this. If I had—”

I put a hand on his knee, stopping his rant. “Don’t apologize. It’s wonderful.”

He looked down at me as he gently gathered my hair together, sending shivers across my neck as he wound it in a knot. His gaze shifted from my hair to my eyes, and I wanted so badly to be able to talk about everything I saw there, but I couldn’t. If I hoped to survive the evening without invoking my brothers’ retribution, I had to focus on the tasks at hand. I pulled my gaze away as he carefully tied the long ends of the fabric around my hair, concealing it completely. When I looked up again, even through the feathers, I could see the way his eyes skimmed over my face. Was there love there? I so wanted there to be love there.

His fingers caressed the side of my neck as he pulled away, and I had to break eye contact again. Survival first. Then confessions of love. That was the proper order.

“I think it’s best if we put your cloak away. If you’re in your costume, with your face obscured, you’ll be more likely to appear as the Starling. And since your brothers have never known you as the Starling, they won’t connect her with their sister.”

I nodded, knowing I would need to stay in my persona all evening. I would need to walk and talk and sit like the Starling, not like Elise. I swallowed. “I wish we could just hide away here,” I whispered.

“So do I…” He didn’t move to go anywhere, and I had the feeling that if I chose to stay, he would stay right there with me.

But that wasn’t an option. The rulers of our nation had asked me to perform for them. It had to be done.

Maddox

She took several methodic breaths, drawing in her courage. If she wanted to stay, I wouldn’t push her to do otherwise. In fact, it took great restraint not to draw her to me in an attempt to reclaim that interrupted moment. She’d kissed me, and I was still trying to believe it was real. It had lasted for only the most fleeting moment before the other couple had destroyed it, but it had been there. Her lips, which had felt very much like silk, had been on mine, ready and willing to be kissed. Oh, how I wanted to kiss her now, but with how much worry was heaped upon her, I could not bring myself to be selfish about it. Even though the madness which had been slowly consuming me for three years looked like it might come to an end. She might turn my world right side up again if she would just tell me how she felt. If she would only let me know that that kiss had been more than just an experiment, more than just a whim. If she would just say it.

Elise rubbed her hands against the black wool of her starling skirt and then stood. “We should go,” she declared.

I managed to suppress the groan of frustration that rose to my throat. She was right. We had to deal with the situation up at the palace first.

“If I’m going to have to sit in the same room with them and eat and perform—” Her voice broke and my heart squeezed in sympathy. She blew out a breath. “I need practice first. I need to go be the Starling around the other performers before we go inside.”