Page 50 of To Save a Kingdom

“I can’t imagine being subjected to that for years.” She swallowed. “Decades.”

“You’re a mage, and a powerful one. It likely caused you much more pain than them.”

She raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

“To the non-magical, like myself, it felt more like a slow sucking of my energy. Like a constant tugging in my soul.” He cleared his throat, pushing the memory away. “You saw the physical effects, what it did to them with prolonged exposure.”

She was staring at him with round eyes, her jaw loose. “Were you there? In Brisimin?”

He shook his head. “No.” And thank Abaddon for that. “But I’ve seen that magic-draining substance before. It’s a mix of Drake Husk and Leeching Barberry, with a few other things I couldn’t identify. At the beginning of the war, the humans would coat shackles with it. They’d use it on prisoners deemed valuable enough to keep alive.” For a while, anyway.

Aliya tensed. “Like spies.”

He nodded, though it wasn’t a question. “I haven’t heard of it being utilized in such vast quantities. I was under the impression it was quite expensive and difficult to manufacture.”

“You had it used on you?” Her eyes were wide, her skin a shade paler.

So much for distracting her. “Once.” He swallowed, steeling his spine as the memory threatened to overwhelm him. “I’d been detained and my captors were going to interrogate me. Tsara found out and sent someone after me. He was able to free me before the inquisitor made his appearance.” Elessan took a deep breath, steadying himself against the sudden weight compressing his chest. “I got out. The elf who came for me didn’t.”

Twisting her torso until she faced him, an impressive feat considering she still straddled the horse, Aliya met his gaze. Squeezing his arm, she said, “I’m so sorry.”

Pressing his lips together, he nodded.

“What happened to him? The man who rescued you?” Her words were a whisper.

“An archer caught him in the heart as we were trying to escape. He was killed instantly.” Elessan shook his head, swallowing down the bile that crept up his throat. “I tried to carry his body out, but the humans were catching up, so I had to abandon him.” He exhaled, hoping she didn’t hear the tremble in his voice. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. He was a friend and deserved a hero’s burial.” Or at least, cremation like Aliya had done for Zadé’s comrade. “But war makes monsters of us all.”

She nodded, her focus drifting from his face into the distance for several breaths before she shook her head and brought her attention back to him. “You should follow your own advice, you know,” she said.

He quirked an eyebrow at her. That was the last thing he’d expected her to say. “Oh? How so?”

She poked him in the chest. “Don’t let survivor’s guilt consume you. Your friend wouldn’t have wanted that.”

A warmth spread through him at her words. He hugged her, pulling her tight. “You’re right, of course.” Though that was easy to say and much harder to do.

“Can I get that in writing?”

He chuckled despite his dark thoughts. “That I said you were right?”

She nodded. “I can’t recall the last time you admitted it out loud, and there are no witnesses here to corroborate the occasion.”

Smiling, he pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. “Anything you want, My Queen.”

“Hmm.” She bit her lower lip and reached between them, searching for the laces to his trousers. “Now, I think it’s you who needs the distraction.”

Grabbing her hands with his, he pulled them away with a groan. As much as he craved her, wanted the diversion, with her on the horse, the angle would be awkward, and he couldn’t allow himself to be inattentive to her safety. Urging her to turn so she faced the front again, he murmured in her ear, “I want so badly for you to touch me, but now’s not the best time. My distraction could put you at risk.”

Furrowing her brows, she glanced at the empty woods surrounding the path then stared at him. “Worried the scary tree branches will get me?”

He dropped his voice to the pitch he knew sent shivers up her spine. “No, but I want to wait until we get back, where I can take my time with you.”

Her cheeks bloomed red as she bit her lower lip.

By Abaddon. He’d never tire of seeing her like this.

“Hey, guys!” Zadé’s words jolted Elessan out of his reverie.

He glanced ahead, to where she waved frantically at the top of the next rise.