Page 109 of Scoring Chance

“You don’t say.” I have fond memories of dropping six grand on an Omega watch there, then sitting in a café, people watching with the most delicious coffee I’ve ever had. Another life. Perhaps one day, I could take Tanner and the kids there. Vacationing with four kids: what could go wrong?

Over the past eight months, we’ve gotten into routines with the kids, while I’ve been learning to balance new work responsibilities with new domestic duties. I may take work calls while cleaning up the kitchen, or hop back online for a little bit after everyone’s asleep. I’m making it work. As much as I love the work I do, I’m grateful to have a family to come home to every night. It reminds me that contrary to what I used to believe, work isn’t everything. That no matter how stressful a day I have, I can unplug from my phone and get lost in their worlds. (And when living in a quaint house with four kids gets a little too stressful, I’m grateful to get lost in my work. Like me, it goes both ways.)

My future travel mate swoops into the kitchen and grabs a banana.

“Omelet?” I ask my husband. I lean back from the stove to give him a morning kiss.

“No thanks. I gotta run.” Tanner pulls his gardening gloves from his back pocket. The extra time at home has allowed him to reconnect with his love of planting and hoeing. He meets up with a gardening club on Friday mornings to work on elaborate flower beds at Renegade Park. I man the fort. Luckily, Lena has work, the boys have day camp, and Lulu loves coming to the office with me. My coworkers can’t get enough of her, and she gives the bluntest feedback on all of our advertisements.

Matthias knocks at the back door. Lena turns red and puts on her best smile.

“Matthias!” I give him a rousing high-five. He still acts nervous and scared around me after our carnival skirmish, despite the fact that I’m always friendly to him. He kind of reminds me of a cat perpetually seconds away from dashing under the bed.

“Hey everyone!” he says when he comes in. “Mr. Chance, are you ready to go?”

“Yes! Let’s do this.” Tanner claps Matthias on the shoulder. “Are you ready to plant some hydrangeas?”

“I’ve never been more ready for anything in my whole life.”

Even though Lena and Matthias broke up, Tanner was able to retain custody of him. They’re now garden club buddies. Lena and I share many an eye-roll at the development. Fortunately, Matthias started dating a girl two months ago, effectively ending his crush on Lena. She has yet to shed a tear about the one who got away.

“Can I talk to you a second?” Tanner pulls me into the living room.

“Are you nervous?” He asks in a low voice moments later.

“About what?”

“Today is your annual checkup for…the C-word.”

“Curmudgeon?” I smirk at him.

“Cancer.” Tanner crosses his arms. “Your appointment is this afternoon.”

“Will you be back in time from hoeing it up with the gardening club in time to hang with Lulu?” I’ve used the hoeing joke a bunch since he joined. Hasn’t gotten old yet. I rub Tanner’s shoulders, hoping to bring about that smile I love so much. “I’ve been cancer free for four years. Statistically speaking, I should be fine. Don’t get yourself worked up over nothing.” I kiss his forehead.

“There’s always a chance…a chance I could lose you.” Fear clouds his eyes, and I wipe the smirk of my face. I kiss him softly.

I pull him to me. “Tan, it’s going to be fine.”

“This is serious, Des. This is…curmudgeon.”

I rub my hands up and down his arms, trying to bring him calm. His eyes are saucers of worry. My far-off fear is right in his face.

“It’ll be okay,” I tell him. “And if it’s not, we’ll get through it together.” I rest my forehead against his. “I love you.”

“Love you more.”

“It’s not a contest.”

“But if it was, I’d win.” Tanner pulls me into a kiss that sets me ablaze. I told him that when the kids start school in the fall, I’m taking a day off work and spending it in bed with him. No exceptions.

“Matthias is waiting for you,” I whisper.

Tanner

It’s amazing how much my life has changed since I married Des. Being able to be a full-time dad has allowed me to stop and breathe for the first time since Katie died. Heck, for the first time since my twenties. I’m able to make better meals (and less take-out), spend quality time with the kids without the incessant dinging of Slack notifications in my ear.

I keep meaning to do some job searching, but Des says there’s no rush. I want to do something. We have four kids we’ll need to put through college, after all. In the meantime, I’m gardening, cleaning our house, and getting sucked into more PTA volunteering alongside Russ.