Page 73 of Scoring Chance

“Yes please.” Stan lowers himself onto the couch—and the unmistakable Pffffftttt! noise of a loud fart echoes through the living room.

Tanner's eyes widen. I brace for impact. I dart my eyes to Dean. Even his face goes white.

Stan pulls the whoopee cushion out from under him and examines it.

My career flashes before my eyes. It was good while it lasted.

But Stan throws his head back and laughs. “Good one,” he says, patting his knee. “Reminds me of when my brothers and I were little.”

I release the breath I’ve been holding since sunrise.

“I’m a magician and comedian.” Dean beams, victorious. “I got more tricks, wanna see?”

“Maybe after dinner,” I interrupt, trying to regain some control. Tanner comes back to the living room with two glasses of wine. He hands one to Stan, and one to me, which I chug.

“You’ve got an energetic brood,” Stan says.

“Kids, why don’t you go play outside until dinner is ready,” Tanner says in a genius move. I could kiss him. I flash him a sigh of relief.

Davy, Dean, and Lulu gallop through the living room to the glass sliding door. They’re probably as excited to burn off their energy as I am. I find myself standing a bit taller, more relaxed.

Lena pours herself a Sprite and sits on the couch arm.

“Lena made the honor roll all through middle school. I suspect she’s going to do the same in high school.” Tanner tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear.

“That’s great. Good grades will open up so many doors for you. Opportunity awaits,” says Stan.

“I love school.” Lena shrugs, nearly on the cusp of laying it on thick. “Des always talks about how important school is. He always talks about making good choices. I know it’s corny to say, but he’s a great role model.”

Stan looks over at me and winks.

“I’m lucky. These are great kids. Parenting has its challenges, but it’s so worthwhile.” I pour myself another glass of wine and promise myself that I’m cut off after this one.

“Des is the best stepdad ever,” she declares, all wide-eyed sincerity. “He makes sure I don’t have to babysit my siblings every second anymore. And he said if I make the honor roll this semester, he’s going to buy me a car!”

Tanner chokes on air. I stare at her like she’s sprouted another head.

“I—what?” I manage.

“You said you’d think about it,” Lena counters, smirking just enough to make me suspect blackmail is her love language. “I think Lulu needs help on the swing. A big sister’s job is never done.”

I watch her stride into the backyard. Did I just get played?

Stan chuckles warmly. “Well, sounds like you’ve settled into family life, Des.”

I plaster on my most convincing, definitely-not-panicking smile. “You know me, all about stability.”

Before I can unravel any further, the doorbell rings again. Enter stage left: Kyle, his glamorous, Botoxed wife Marissa, and their trio of miniature private-school diplomats. The boy wears a blazer and tie, while his younger twin sisters wear matching dresses. They look like they stepped off a yacht where they were getting family pictures taken. Why didn’t I think to have the kids dress in color-coordinated outfits?

“Salutations!” Kyle bellows louder than he needs to, announcing his arrival. “This must be the mysterious Tanner. The man who finally tamed the wild and crazy bachelor.”

“Nothing is impossible,” Tanner says. He’s classier than me and shakes Kyle’s hand, whereas I want to pounce on this putz.

“This house is so cute.” Kyle takes a look around, the word cute drenched in all kinds of acidity. He lives on a cul-de-sac in one of those bougie gated communities. When he had coworkers over for a Memorial Day BBQ one year, he gave tours of his house on the half-hour. “Probably a rough adjustment from your swanky riverfront condo, Des.”

He pokes me in the rib with his elbow. And again, I resist the urge to put him in a headlock.

Kyle’s family all gets in line as if on cue. “This is my wife Marissa.”