Page 89 of Scoring Chance

My throat tightens. For a second, I picture the version of myself that was fourteen, angry and lonely in my parents' house, wishing someone would just notice I wasn’t okay. All I want to do is pull her into the tightest hug possible and make this better. But this isn’t Lulu wanting the last strawberry Fruit Roll-Up. There is no patented dad solution.

I take a careful step closer. “You’re allowed to be angry, Lena. And sad. And all the other crap feelings that come with losing someone. But this?” I gesture toward the parking lot. “This isn’t you. You’re smart. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. You don’t need to play at being reckless to prove anything.”

She sniffs, silent.

“And for the record,” I add, “your dad? He’s hanging on by a thread, trying to keep it all together. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. He just…he thinks you’re stronger than him half the time.”

Lena lets out a weak laugh. “He’s such a mess.”

“Yeah.” I smile faintly. “But he’s your mess. And mine, apparently. I’m going to talk to him about finding a different babysitting option for practice nights.”

She looks up at me, eyes puffy but sharp. “I didn’t want him to know about this, but also...I wished he would’ve been suspicious like you.”

“He was blinded by the sweater vest. Your dad was a nerd like Matthias in high school. A nerdy hockey player. He defies stereotypes. He’s going to be so heartbroken when he discovers you and Matthias aren’t dating.”

She lets out the quickest laugh, letting me know I haven’t lost her.

We walk back toward my car, through the muddy trail that destroys my sneakers even more. She keeps pace with me, quiet, thoughtful.

“I’m grounded, huh?” she asks eventually.

“Oh, absolutely,” I say, unlocking the door. As she slides in, I catch her glancing at me, smiling for the first time tonight.

“Hey,” she says before closing the door. “You don’t suck at this dad stuff.”

I look up at the stars blanketing the night sky for a moment. Maybe I don’t suck at this dad stuff. Maybe, against all my better judgment, I’ve found my place. I just hope there’s still time left to save it.

25

TANNER

Icome home from the carnival ready to crash. I shared cotton candy with Lulu and a bucket of fries with Dean, and all the sugar and salt is clouding my head. That, and the fact that Des left so abruptly. He said he had a thing he needed to take care of and would meet us back at home.

Did he have to go back to the office? His Silq Cosmetics pitch is coming up soon, and more than anything, Des cares about his career. Despite how my heart beats for him, he’s not going to give that up for this manic collection of kids and one harried dad.

The kids are crashing from the copious amounts of sugar they had at the carnival, as well as the general high of rides wearing off. I make them brush their teeth, and after that, it’s easy getting them into bed.

Des’s car is in the driveway, but I don’t find him in the bedroom. He isn’t upstairs. Did he have a coworker take him to the office? Is he pulling an all-nighter? Before my mind can do its favorite thing—spiral—I hear the faint sounds of music coming from outside. My bedroom window is cracked open.

The roof.

Moments later, I join Des up there. Some ‘90s rock is playing softly from his phone as he stares out on the rows of cookie cutter homes before us. The view can’t compare to the one he gets from his riverfront condo.

“Hey. How was the rest of the carnival?” he asks.

“I won Lulu a Paw Patrol stuffed animal, which she’s currently hugging in bed, even though she doesn’t watch Paw Patrol. Dean is pumped that he won the ring toss game. And I think I ate my weight in cotton candy and deep-fried foods. It’s a shame you had to leave early.”

“I’m sorry about that. Sounds like I missed a good time.” I know Des well enough to sense a tiny shift in him from earlier tonight. His eyes are ringed with heaviness.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah.” He pats the roof next to him. I take a seat, and we stare into the suburban abyss together. Des feels tense beside me. I’m always the first to sense when his cool demeanor begins to slip.

Worry seizes my stomach.

“Tanner, I hope you get this job. But I also know what it means.” He turns to me, eyes big and serious. Worried. “It means this ruse is over.”

I gulp back a lump in my throat. “We can wait until you find out about your promotion. To keep up appearances and all that.”