Page 21 of Found in Wild Sage

Dec’s hand tightens on mine and he catches my eye.

“We’ll be okay.”

There’s almost enough certainty in the declaration to believe him.

“Evie! My dear! Welcome to our home.” Mary and Connor Ryan are both coming toward me, Mary with arms outstretched and Connor with a beaming smile.

I know them from the times they’ve been to the clinic, of course, and around town. It’s too small a place not to know them, and yet I’ve never been to their home. They invited me a few times after I first moved here, in fact, but I always had to decline. Going to dinner at someone’s house when Charlie was little felt like a nightmare. Anything that tipped the edge of our routine made my life harder, and in those first few months, it felt plenty hard already.

“Thank you for having me.”

Mary wraps me in a hug as I speak. When she pulls back, Connor reaches out and offers me a hearty shake, sandwiching my hand with both of his in a fatherly, friendly way I can’t help but enjoy.

“And look at this big fellow. Is this Charlie?”

My heart glows. Charlie’s gone quiet since we stepped inside the house, and his bright eyes are pinned on Mary. She smiles at him, and he tucks himself closer into Declan.

Forget glowing. My heart completely melts. Declan presses his hand over Charlie’s back and pats gently.

“It’s alright, buddy. This is my mama.”

“Mama?” Charlie’s head perks up and looks at Declan, then sets one chubby little hand on Declan’s cheek like he so often does. “No, Mama.” He points at me.

Declan grins.

I don’t know what my heart’s doing now, but between the nerves and this display of everything, I’m doomed.

Might just need a checkup.

I internally cringe at the thought and focus as Declan says, “You’re right. That’s your mama. This is Mary, and she’s my mama.”

The voice he uses to talk to Charlie is so gentle and endlessly patient. It’s one more thing that draws me to him.

Declan gives me a look. “Did I make this too complicated?”

“I think you’re doing great.” I mean it. He is so naturally good with Charlie. Maybe all doctors are like this, but I don’t think so.

“I also go by Grammy.” Mary winks at Charlie, who gives her a shy smile. “Don’t you worry, Charlie. We’ll be good friends eventually, I just know it.” Mary grins at him, and steps back, effectively solidifying my appreciation of her all the more.

She’s not forcing my baby to give her a hug or invading his space, touching his little hands or kissing his cheeks while he’s clearly a little nervous. After all, she’s grandma to four grandkids so far, and two of them didn’t know her from birth. She’s done this before.

It hits me then, as Dec suggests we find Charlie a spot to stretch out in the living room before dinner, that when we marry, she’ll be Charlie’s grandma, too.

Tears prick my eyes and I blink, begging my body to reabsorb them. I cannot be the dinner guest who’s crying before I even make the rounds to say hello to everyone.

But, oh, this family.

I want it.

It’s loud and bright and warm and so loving. There’s a happy birthday banner strung across the entryway and a bouquet of balloons blooming from the corner of the dining room. In the living room, two little girls with white-blonde hair are bopping a balloon, keeping it from touching the ground while adults chat in small groups.

I knew this is what a Friday night with the Ryans would feel like. There’s so much warmth and joy and the sense that every person here belongs.

This is why I could never come.

My family wasn’t like this, and then my family simply… wasn’t. We were just us three, my parents both working two jobs and me joining in once I hit high school, and just days before my graduation, they were gone. Hit by a woman looking for a certain song on her phone.

But this loving chaos? It’s a dream. It’s more than I could ever dare ask for, and it’s actually so wonderful already, I almost feel sick. The response makes no sense, but clearly, I’m in a weird place.