Page 81 of Found in Wild Sage

I scratch out, “Of course,” and nod like it’s all in a day’s work, even as it feels like my lung is collapsing. I grab her bag and grope for something else, then haul them into the garage. I hear her talking quietly to Charlie while she unbuckles him, then heads inside via the front door.

Disappointment pummels me.

There it was. The gratitude.

Logically, I know it’s normal for someone to express thanks after a trip or an outing or any number of other scenarios. But this—“for all of this.” It’s too much like she’s thanking me for marrying her, for helping her.

And in no circumstances will I indulge in more physical contact with her if there is any shred of it that might come from a sense of indebtedness. Even if done so with her thinking she wants to, if there’s an underlying sense of obligation, I can’t.

It never starts as something toxic, but it ends that way.

I can’t. I can’t let this turn into that any more than it might already be. So as much as I hate to do it, for me and for her, I’m going to have to pump the brakes until we can clarify what’s happening.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

Evie

Sam squeezes my hand. “He’s completely in love with you.”

“I know he likes me. But I’m confused.” Because the man I got so close to while camping overnight has turned back into my friend.

Yes, just my friend.

Maybe I got ahead of myself, but I assumed we’d spend some more time together Sunday night after Charlie went to bed. And by time together I mean sexy time together. But no.

By the time I finished putting Charlie down for his nap and Dec returned from the grocery, he was back to keeping me at arm’s length. Not even in a cruel way. Simply in that kind, gentle, infuriatingly controlled way.

“What’s confusing? You guys made out, slept together in the camper, and then you came home and thought you were going to finally get to enjoy your marital privileges, but he put his guard back up? The man is scared of ruining things. Guaranteed.”

“You’re almost as bad as Mary. Marital privileges is second only to her saying we needed to consummate the marriage.”

Sam cracks up, the sip of wine nearly bursting from her lips. I chuckle, too, frustration and yes, a touch of weary amusement comingling in my gut.

“Mary told you to consummate your marriage? I guess she knows what’s up.”

I sigh. “She has some inkling, for sure. I don’t think she’s upset. And she definitely said that for the shock value to help me stop sobbing.”

Sam’s compassion kicks in and she takes my hand in hers. “If May were here, I think she’d tell you to seduce him.”

I nearly choke on my own sip of wine. “And that’s why it’s good she couldn’t make it. Because we are not talking to May about me having sex with her brother. That crosses a line.”

Sam rolls her eyes. “Fine. But my point here is that you both care so much for each other. Maybe I don’t know if he’s in love with you, but I would be shocked if he’s not.”

She pins me with her dark eyes and I stay put. She’s got more to say, and I’m her captive audience.

“You can push a little. You know that, right? You know that you deserve to have clarity here, and that you’re worthy of love.”

Oof. This is the problem with letting people in.

“That’s mean.”

She grins. “I’m pretty sure you gave me a similar talking-to. And not to play Sam Ellis, amateur psychologist or anything, but the fact that you were willing to marry this guy for your child tells me that maybe you don’t believe that.”

My throat tightens. I press my lips together and will the tears already loading up not to fall.

Sam takes both of my hands in hers. “You are an incredible woman. I don’t know a ton about Dec, but what I’ve seen is enough to tell me he’s a good man. That said, he’s not so good that he’d go along with this for purely altruistic reasons. I just don’t buy it. I think he has real feelings and now that you guys are in it and we’ve seen some chemistry building and there’s a real shot at more, he might just not know how it all fits. He’s one of those super smart, really stupid guys.”

My watery chuckle comes with an eye roll of my own. “Dec is the least stupid man I’ve ever met.”