Page 13 of The Marriage Rebound

“I’m not. She just didn’t say nothin’ about talkin’ to you is all.”

“Don’t know what to tell ya ’bout that. But I called her after seein’ on the news her team won some big championship. They made it sound like a big deal, so I called to say I was proud of her.”

A wave of guilt hit me. Big Mama watched nothing but the news, her soaps, and random game shows. She knew nothing about sports, but she’d still taken the time to reach out to Courtney to congratulate her. The memory of how her voice had broken when she’d pointed out I hadn’t bothered to even do that small thing . . .

I washed down the lump in my throat with a swig of sweet tea, wishing I had something a little stronger. “Well, you know she travels a lot. Always busy, busy, busy.”

“She gotta work, baby.”

I stabbed at the beans, moving them around the plate, no longer hungry. “That’s all she does.”

“Aht-aht, what’s that? Why you sittin’ up here poutin’ like you did when you was a child?”

I knew I was whining, and it was no surprise Big Mama would call me out on it. She’d indulge me a little when I was younger after my parents dropped me off because they had one thing or another they had to go do, and it had apparently been too much of a hassle for them to include me—their only fucking child—in on their plans. It was always “work” then too, since Daddy hadn’t been satisfied with being a lawyer and had set his sights on a political career. Campaign dinners and networking mixers were no place for a child . . . or so they kept telling me whenever I’d cry about wanting to go with them.

“Because, Big Mama, she . . .” I swiped at the stray tear that escaped down my cheek. “She just like Momma and Daddy. Always got somethin’ better to do that don’t include me!”

She sighed heavily and reached out to pat my arm. “Now, Sasha Renee.”

More tears fell. All the ones I wouldn’t let out two days ago. I’d kept them at bay with my anger because Courtney hadn’t wanted me there, then had the nerve to be mad when I wasn’t tripping all over myself to give her praise. She couldn’t have it both ways.

But she had been upset . . .

Then she left me . . .

I pushed my plate away, then leaned back in my chair, crossing my arms. “It’s true.”

“Is that why you done come here out the blue?”

I lifted one shoulder. “Maybe. I just wanted to be around somebody that loves me and likes my company.” And doesn’t think it’s “transactional.” For Courtney to say that, to think that of me—did she really think that of me? Of our relationship?

Vuitton barked and jumped at my ankles. I walked over to the sliding glass door to let him out to the expansive backyard. Leaning against the frame, I watched as he ran around, rubbing himself in the grass, getting up to shake only to do it all over again.

“What are you talkin’ ’bout? I do enjoy a good visit, but what’s happened? Because sumthin’ got you all worked up.”

I took in a shuddering breath, annoyed at the fact the tears continued to trickle when I remembered Courtney packing her stuff, being so nonchalant about the fact she was walking out on me. Leaving me as if it were no big deal.

She was hurt. I hurt her.

That errant thought spiked right through my chest, and I had to rub the area to rid it of the phantom pains. I didn’t want to acknowledge it that morning, but that was the real issue. I’d heard it in her voice. And I’d been too stubborn to back down. Because she was leaving me, and that was all I’d focused on. Denise understood where I was coming from. Though, for once, when I’d given her the rundown, she’d kept some of her snark at bay.

I hadn’t told Tanisha that Courtney had left. I didn’t want to hear or deal with her judgment because she thought I’d gone too far by being out instead of home after Courtney’s win. She didn’t understand and always tried to play Switzerland to keep the peace when what I needed was for her to just be on my side.

Big Mama was like that in a way. She wouldn’t try to keep the peace exactly—she would listen to me, then impart some wisdom and words of comfort. She loved me unconditionally, no matter how much I messed up, or acted out. But I could always tell when I’d disappointed her, even if she never said the words, and that was the worst for me. If she knew everything that had transpired between Courtney and me over the last couple days, I couldn’t handle her disappointment in me on top of everything else.

Vuitton gave himself another good shake before he ran back inside and down to the den where his oversized dog bed was.

“Courtney and I are just havin’ a down moment.”

Big Mama hummed and nodded. “Those happen. Y’all talk about it?”

I retook my seat. “Hard to talk if she ain’t around,” I answered with a shrug.

“Well, baby, hate to say it, but if you runnin’ away down here to me, you ain’t around either. I thought you young folks were all supposed to be about talkin’ ’bout your feelings. Self-care and mental health wellness.”

I laughed at the frown on her face. “Big Mama, what?”

“I’m just sayin’, with your social medias and all that, puttin’ your business in the streets. How you do all that, but can’t say shit to the person you lay down wit’ every night?” she finished as she pushed herself up and gathered my plate. “I’ll wrap this for you.”