Page 139 of The Crown’s Temptation

"And Colsar you must pretend to be miserable."

"How do you know I am not?"

"You are not at peace because I am not returned to you. But now we have hope." I looked up at him. "Yesterday you wondered if you should arrange a proper burial. Now I am here. In your arms, in your bed, with your children."

He reached and put Ari on his chest before shifting so I was underneath his arm, Fiorakis's small body now curled on top of mine.

"I spent my whole life alone. Caged. Miserable. I never once—" He paused. "I never once let anyone see the real me because I knew it probably was not worth much. It had never been worth much to my own parents," he said with a bitter laugh. "And I had learned to survive that way. Even find happiness that way."

He kissed the top of Ari's head. "Then you came. And you saw the real version of me. And for some reason you loved me. And the way you have loved me—" He paused. "It is more than anyone else ever has. The way you know me, no one else does. I do not even know how to say half of what I feel sometimes. And yet you know it without me ever saying a word." He paused. "The night of the tavern massacre, of Telly's, the way I felt when you were lost — I told myself it was too painful and I would rather not live than live without you." He stopped. "But then the children came. And I love them and want to keep them safe and be a good father but I do not know how to do any of it."

I smiled up at him. "I will get strong. I will come back to you. And we can figure it out together."

I felt my eyelids grow heavy. "Colsar⁠—"

"Mm?"

"I am tired. I may sleep the day away."

"And I will be here when you wake up."

CHAPTER 31

Laces

The mood when I woke up was not the same as when I fell asleep. Colsar was looking at me, his eyes dark. The children were no longer next to me.

"Saurin said it was time for their baths and I could not say no without it looking suspicious," he explained.

I nodded. I looked down at my breasts. “I do not think I make milk anymore, Colsar. Do you think the children were disappointed?"

He smiled. "They were happy to have their mother."

"I was happy to have them too." The look on Colsar's face was too much to handle. The look of a man in love, a man who has a fragile happiness he knows is about to be taken away.

"Is it dark outside?" I asked carefully.

He nodded.

"I must go for my treatment. And I must return to the Darkway so that Teorin does not grow suspicious."

Colsar closed his eyes. "I know."

"And," I continued, "I do not know how to lace up that leather dress."

"It was not hard to remove," Colsar said simply.

"That is what is so deceptive. Easy to remove, impossible to put on," I said with a dramatic sigh.

That earned a small laugh from him.

He helped me with the dress. "These laces are fucking impossible," he muttered.

I chuckled. "Do the best that you can. I will not hold it against you. They are in the front, which means I can fix them myself.”

He kissed the top of my forehead. “I like dressing you.” Then he carefully put the cloak over my shoulders. Then he motioned to the corner of the room. There was a small table there that had not been there before.

"There was not a table here yesterday," I said with a frown.