Page 44 of Apparently, I’m Torture

“What?” she asked, hands now hanging by her side.

“That was a pretty good pose.”

She eyed me warily and I guess she thought that maybe I was about to tease her. And usually, I would. But not this time. I was just happy she let me change the subject.

“You’re going to manage the hell out of a class one day, Lil.”

“Thanks, I hope so.” Her smile was thankful, but disappeared as quickly as it came.

She sank into the couch next to me, and let out a breath.

“Trevor’s been offered a spot at South Bronx.” Her fingers found the hem of my shirt and twisted it. “But I still want you there with me.”

I sat straighter, leaned my elbows onto my knees, and looked into her face as I did my best to bury my jealousy, frustration and lust. “Why would you want me there instead of Trevor? You’re dating him.”

She lifted a shoulder, her cheeks flushing prettily as her eyes focused on her buried fingers. “It’s not really serious. If it ends badly… and we have to work together? I don’t want to work in that kind of mess.”

I smirked and tried to sound casual. “Well, if dating you equals a mess, it’s probably a good thing you and I never hooked up then.”

Her eyes flicked to mine. “Is it?”

Something weightless rooted itself in my gut, grew and spread. It was a mixture of heat, hope and desperation. Blood roared in my ears, and a terrifying tell her, tell her, tell her pounded into me.

Instead, I shook my head. Hopeless. “I don’t know. All I know is you’re dating Trevor and... we’ll be leaving this place soon.”

She gave my shirt another pull as she said, “If I knew you had feelings for someone, maybe I could’ve done something to help. If you tell me who she is, I could… talk to her.”

Apology was written all over her, and it tugged at me.

She was still imagining me with someone else. She was still trying to carve out happiness for me, as if it was a gift she could plop on my lap. Like I was a box to tick on her list.

“You know why I don’t tell you these things?”

Her eyes narrowed. From the tone of my voice, she could tell I was done talking about this.

“Because I want you, and everyone else, to leave it alone. I don’t want your help.”

Hurt flared across her face and she shook her fingers out of my shirt. “I was just… you didn’t tell me, and I thought maybe, if you had someone else you liked, I could try and make up for what happened with Stacey.”

I sighed and slumped my shoulders. I couldn’t even pretend to be mad at her anymore. I was in so deep, so consumed by her, all I could feel was… this dragging misery that she wasn’t mine.

I tried to swallow it down. Lilly needed a friend, not some jealous hot and cold jerk who pushed her away and pulled her back. The least I could do was be that person for her in the time we had left.

“You don’t have to do that kind of stuff for me. I see what it does to you.”

“What what does?”

She focused on me and our gazes locked. “The… overextending yourself. Every time you’re dragged into someone else’s problems, it ends up stressing you out.”

Her brows knit together in confusion. “But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being there for my friends when they need me, right? I think my mom would’ve wanted me to be a good sorority sister.”

I held her gaze as I said, “Right, yeah. Your mom.”

Lilly had this drive, this need, to be in the same sorority and teach at the same school as her mother, as if that’d be the magic link that’d lead to bringing her back. But I doubted her mother would want her to burn out because she put other people ahead of herself.

My voice came out soft and tired as I tried again. “What I’m saying is, I just want you to focus on yourself. Minding your business isn’t a bad thing.”

“I’m focusing on myself.” Something snuck out in her tone, and I could tell she was getting defensive. Maybe I was touching a nerve here.