Page 51 of Apparently, I’m Torture

In my mind, it was Shawn’s finger. He was between my legs. He was sliding his thumb over my nipple.

“Are you wet for me?” he’d whisper, finishing that elusive question I never got to hear. “Is your pretty little pussy soaked for me?”

I bit my lip as I sent a finger inside, imagining the satisfied breath Shawn would take if he could feel the slickness pouring from me.

“Good girl,” he’d breathe, pushing his finger deeper. “So tight, just like I knew you’d be.”

I slid my bare legs along the sheets, so soft against the sharp pound between my thighs. I moaned as I added another finger, coating both as they slid in and out. I was so ready to come.

I took my hand from my breast and gripped the pocket-sized purple vibrator on my nightstand, flicking it on. It hummed and trembled as I slid it across my skin, down my stomach, and braced it against my clit.

I let out another moan and tossed my head to the side as I drove the same two fingers inside myself. Pleasure built; tingling, heavy and raw.

“Do you know how fucking sexy you are, Lilly?” Shawn’s voice, still just fantasy, vibrated through me, and I almost came right then and there.

I curled my toes and rolled my hips against my fingers, the vibrator against my clit, and then there it was, uncoiling low and warm, shooting through me like electricity.

I cried out, letting my TV drown the sound of my orgasm as I rode it. When it was done, I pulled everything away and laid there, naked and enjoying the afterglow.

Until guilt nagged at me like a cranky relative.

“Why am I still thinking of him?” I asked my ceiling. “He’s with Stacey. And he blocked me out of his life for five friggen years. Of all the men I could be thinking about, why him?”

My ceiling wasn’t exactly the chattiest area of my apartment, so naturally, it didn’t answer me back.

“One of these days I might have to replace you with a therapist,” I mumbled as I switched off my vibrator.

Earlier this week, I surprised Stacey with the cake, and she took it as the peace offering it was. She came by my desk to thank me, and I sat there, arms clamped tight to my side, as guilt washed over me.

Some people thought attraction wasn’t something you could help. They thought of it as a mix of chemicals and pheromones, and it was. I knew that. But I think my attraction to Shawn was rooted in something deeper.

And I was no stranger to touching myself to the thought of him. I did it often enough while he dated other women back in our coffee shop days. But I never felt as guilty about it as I did now.

Why was that? Well, maybe because Stacey wasn’t just another woman. She was… complicated. We had a rocky history, one Mia never got over. And because of the choices she made, I was now stuck with Trevor. We used to be friends; I think. Although it got pretty messy in the end.

But maybe my sense of loyalty to her, to my former Kappa Delta president, was making me wish this resurfacing attraction to Shawn would die a quick and painless death.

I let out a deep breath and stood, pulling on a lightweight robe as I padded back out to my kitchen. A box of cold, half-eaten pizza sat on the counter, and I washed my hands before I picked up a slice. The cheese was hard, and it was amazing.

Honestly, I couldn’t complain. Things were going well. In fact, the list of awesomeness went as follows:

1. The fundraiser was going well.

I was on track with my tasks, and all that was left to do was coordinate the arrival of my merch next week, which was beyond exciting.

In fact, while I was sitting at my desk on a warm Friday afternoon, my phone rang.

“Heya Trevor,” I answered, too content to be bothered by the sight of his name on my screen.

“Hi.” He sounded put off. “I was calling to check in. How’re things going?”

I wasn’t surprised. After that first call, Trevor reached out during my second week too. It was the end of week three, and he was infuriatingly consistent.

“Good, actually. Everything is on track.”

“On track? That’s… great. How, uh, how exactly did you manage that? Mia mentioned you were having some technical troubles last week.”

“I was, but as soon as they were fixed, I worked late for a few nights.”