Page 33 of Apparently, I’m A B!tch

Chapter20

Nikki

Wednesday morning

Earlier this morning,I passed by Extra Shot on my way into the office. Jake and Kelly were probably in there, commiserating over what was happening between Harvey and me, and how my careless outburst led to the swap that neither of them agreed to. I hated that my anger got the better of me, and that they were mixed up in my issues as a result.

Jake may have been a shitty paralegal, but he didn’t deserve to be shared around like a toy on Christmas, and neither did Kelly. I wondered if Harvey had a similar guilt wedged in his gut, but after seeing his smug smile as Jake ran after him with manila folders, I decided he was likely enjoying himself.

I brought another peanut butter and jelly sandwich to eat at my desk as I worked my cases. Monday’s conversation with Tristan was a hard reminder that all I had now was my work, so I buckled down and made up for my blue-shirt time-suck by grinding the night away. When my usual break time came back around on Tuesday afternoon, I couldn’t bring myself to leave my desk.

It was just too pathetic. What would I do? Stand there and have my coffee and baklava while I talked to Lilly and shot Tristan side-long, leering glances?

It was bad enough that I had to work to keep him from my mind. I would be at my desk, or on my couch, digging into case files only to cringe at a sudden thought or memory of what’d gone on between us over the last five months.

There were so many times where I was awful to him… why wouldn’t he want to date someone else? Especially someone who was interested in supporting his dreams? All I managed to do was criticize his art and his decisions about the coffee shop.

I was unfair and rude; a horrible friend. I had to face facts. A couple of nice conversations and buying him a replacement shirt wasn’t enough to turn around months of being a complete bitch.

I could only focus on what I was doing here, and that included being as kind to Kelly as I could professionally be. I only hoped that, eventually, she would see what I did was for her benefit.

Harvey was leading her on, working her into the ground based on a devotion that was ultimately one-sided. It wasn’t fair that she put her life on pause for a man who spent his time using her skills so he could slack off.

She knocked on my door now, walking in with a rushed hostility that made me stiffen in my chair.

“Good-morning Kelly.”

“Morning.”

“How are you today?”

“Fine. You?”

“I’m okay. I think I averaged about three hours last night.”

She looked down at me with confusion.

“Of sleep.”

“Oh.”

“Have you been sleeping better lately?”

She wrinkled her nose until she looked somewhat offended. “What do you mean? My sleep has always been fine.”

“Really? I just thought with all the late nights Harvey makes you do, you’d–”

“Harvey doesn’t make me do anything.” I looked up to see her arms crossed over her chest. This was not going well.

“Well, as your boss, he had to make you do some things. Or are you getting work done for me out of the goodness of your heart?” I smiled at her and tried for a joke. “Does this mean you secretly like me? Are we friends?”

She scoffed and shook her head. “How could you ever think you and I would be friends? Look, I just want to do the work and get out of here.”

I leaned back in my chair, hoping to cover my hurt with indifference. “Your loss. I make a mean PB&J.”

“Really? Because that’s been on my career vision board for years. Finally, a boss who can make a decent PB&J. Move out of my way and tell me where to sign.” She made a noise of disgust and folded her arms.

If she was trying to upset me, it worked. Her sarcasm was like a knife in my gut, and her rejection was a painful twisting. But, I could hardly blame her for treating me this way. I probably made her feel this awful at one point or another. There were so many instances where I did or said the wrong thing, meaning one thing but it coming out differently than I meant it to.