Page 56 of Love Unlocked

‘I can’t do it, Beano,’ he says decisively.

Beano hasn’t an ounce of surprise on his face. His role is to remain calm under pressure on the boat. ‘You can do this,’ he says simply.

‘I can’t. I can’t. You have to call it off. I’ll buy everyone drinks, I don’t care.’

Al pulls his legs back, considering diving into the river and swimming for it.

‘Hey!’ he yells across to the umpire in the boat nearby. ‘I need to get off!’

‘What’s up?’ Buff asks behind him.

‘Sorry, man, I can’t. I can’t do this.’

‘No sorries, we’re doing this,’ Beano says calmly, raising his voice so that the others can hear him. ‘Lads, The Stroke doesn’t think he can do this.’

Al waits for the groans, the irritation, the curses and insults to come his way. He waits for Brick to hit him over the head with a blade. But they don’t come.

‘Come on, Al, you can do this,’ Bo shouts from behind him.

‘You can do this, Al,’ Brick backs him up.

‘I can’t. I can’t.’ Al has well and truly given up. He just needs to get off this boat.

‘You’re The Stroke, the greatest there is, come on,’ Mick shouts.

He feels a clap on his back from Buff.

‘We believe in you,’ from the middle rowers.

‘Let’s obliterate these fuckers,’ from Brick.

The umpire looks over to see what’s going on. The other team’s cox has his hand raised to signal they’re ready.

‘Al,’ Beano fixes him with a firm, but kind and still calm look. He acts like they have all the time in the world. It’s his job to deliver everything with confidence, to sound like he knows what he’s talking about. ‘Look at us all. We’ve been doing this together since we were twelve years old. We’ve won together, we’ve lost together. We’re older now, we get through life’s ups and downs together, when our wives and girlfriends are annoying us or leave us, we’re here, when we think our kids are mental and messed up, and we wonder how they’ll survive in the world, we’re here.’

Buff chuckles.

‘When we find weird lumps, or strange rashes, we’re here. We’ve lost parents, we’ve lost siblings, we’ve lost friends, Flick lost his hair. We lost Buff for a night in Barcelona and he still won’t tell us what happened. We’ve sometimes lost ourselves and yet we’re here. There is no expectation that in this moment of time you are perfect. We’re all in the same boat and we’ll all pull together. Yeah?’

Beano puts his hand on his shoulder.

‘We’re all in the same boat!’ Brick shouts.

‘He said that already,’ Stick says.

‘I can’t bleedin’ hear him back here.’

Someone laughs. Eddie probably.

We’re all in the same boat.

‘Breathe man,’ Buff says, behind him. ‘We’re all in it with you. We’ve got you. Just row.’

Al breathes and hasn’t quite calmed himself or made up his mind about whether to continue when Beano raises his hand to the umpire to signal that he’s ready.

Clear skies and perfect rowing conditions but Al starts badly. He catches a crab, entering the blade into the water at the wrong angle, instead of a smooth stroke. A schoolboy error. Then despite what they’ve said to him in the boat about them all being in it together, he wants to prove that he is the leader and will lead. He has been going it alone for six weeks now, fuelled by angry sad music, by bitterness and revenge acts, and he can go it alone now. He lost Walter and Tara, he already lost his team. In an effort to prove that he’s not weak, that he’s the best, capable, he can bounce back, a superhuman who uses personal heartbreak as motivation, he goes at one hundred per cent. He’s the leader and he will lead. A stupid mistake.

‘Don’t fly and die,’ Beano calls.