Page 87 of Fit for a King

“I beg to disagree. I’m quite fine, really.”

“Right. Except you’re not, and, rumor has it, neither is a certain footman.”

My entire body reacted to the mention of Noah, my stomach revolting, turning over on itself at the idea that he was suffering from my hands.

What else did you expect?

Although, if he were fine without me, that might make me want to go back to Whitefall Cliffs and hurl myself off them.

“I don’t know what you’re referring to.”

“No?” Gabriel shook his head. “Who are you trying to fool here, Nicholas? Me or yourself? I know something happened, I just don’t know the extent of it. So…enlighten me. What happened?”

I turned my head to look him directly in the eye, and whatever he saw there made him suck in a breath.

“Oh no… You didn’t. You fell in love with him.”

When I just stared at him, unable to deny what was clearly true, Gabriel straightened off the desk.

“And you told him?”

“You told me to.”

“I did what?”

“Take him with you, Nicholas. Have him ride in the car with you. Go fall for him⁠—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Gabriel held his hands up. “I did not say to fall for the guy. I meant have fun with him.”

“Since when do I just ‘have fun’ with people, you asshole?”

Gabriel gave a low whistle. “Sorry, Your Majesty, but you’re going to have to take some responsibility here. I didn’t make you fall in love with the guy.”

“Stop calling him ‘the guy,’” I snapped, snatching the dart out of his hand. “You know his name. Hell, you call everyone by their first name, and no one is spreading rumors about you.”

“Okay. Keep going. Let it all out.”

“It’s your fault I’m in this mess. You hired him. You knew this would happen.” I threw the dart, and it landed in the black beside the other. I stalked over to the board and ripped them out. “You’re an instigating, troublemaking, selfish excuse for an advisor. You never should’ve let him stay. If you cared at all about me, you would never have encouraged this.”

The darts were piercing my palm from the way I gripped them so tight, but as Gabriel just stood there and took my verbal barrage without batting an eye, my anger slowly drained out of me, replaced by something I didn’t want to feel. It was what I’d been trying so hard to ignore, and I’d evidently done a shit job at that, because it was rearing its head even worse than before.

Pain. Sadness. An unbearable ache that not even the gym or throwing darts or yelling at Gabriel was easing.

I dropped the darts onto the floor and slumped into the closest chair, my head falling to my hands. Closing my eyes did nothing to stop the sting of tears that threatened whenever I was alone and let my thoughts drift to Noah. I refused to let them fall, not in front of Gabriel or anyone.

But my twin no doubt felt my suffering as acutely as his own, the same way I did when the roles were reversed. He sat on the arm of the chair, his hand heavy on my shoulder, always the grounding presence I needed. Even when I wanted to be mad at him.

“I’m sorry,” I said, my head bowed. “I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

“I can handle it.”

“It’s not yours to handle.” All my fight was gone. “It’s not fair.”

Gabriel was silent awhile. “No, it’s not. Life hasn’t been fair to you more often than not, but that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you say so.”

Protocol I could take. Duty I could handle, always had. But this? I didn’t know how to fix my heart being split wide open. I didn’t know if I could.

My brother’s hand left my shoulder, and a few seconds later, the door opened and I heard him say, “Please tell Gilbert to cancel the king’s schedule for the rest of the day.” Then the door closed, and Gabriel strode back into the room, heading straight to the bottle of scotch and pouring himself a glass before refilling mine.