Page 99 of Fit for a King

I went outside and down toward the cliffs, the mournful sound of the gulls overhead matching the gloomy forecast of the day—and my mood. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go; Sutherland House would be a good distraction. One I desperately needed. But I knew that the minute I accepted the job, the second I showed up and reported for duty, this would all be real. My time at Montclair Palace would be well and truly over.

I wasn’t sure I was ready for that. To give up the fantasy that maybe, just maybe Nicholas would⁠—

No.

I wasn’t going there. Not again. The first few days here I’d foolishly sat by my mother’s kitchen window and hoped to see his black car unexpectedly pull up.

He’d done it before. Why not now? Why not for me?

But after the first week the dream had begun to dwindle, and by the end of the second it had died.

He’d had weeks to come and find me. Weeks to come and tell me that this was all a mistake. It wouldn’t have taken much to track me down. I’d only had one place to go.

But he’d never shown. So it was time to let go.

I turned and stared out at the vast waters ahead. The last time I’d been here, Nicholas had told me he loved me, words that had filled me with hope and endless possibilities. But as I stood there now, all I felt was a hollowness that seemed impossible to fill again.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, the salt air and pain in my heart reminding me that I was here and I was alive.

“Noah?” Mum’s voice was soft, like that of someone approaching a spooked horse.

I turned to see her standing behind me in her housecoat and robe, carrying two mugs.

I hurried over to take one from her. “You didn’t have to bring that out here.”

“I know,” she said with a small smile. “But I thought you could do with some tea before you head out.”

I cradled the warm mug in my hands and nodded. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” She fell quiet for a second then said, “I think this new job is going to be good for you. It’s come at the right time.”

“I agree.”

“It’ll get your mind off things.” Mum wasn’t one to beat around the bush when she had something to say, so when she left it at that, I eyed her.

“Things?”

She shrugged and looked out across the cliffs. “The king.”

I sucked in a breath as I too turned my gaze toward the horizon. It shouldn’t have surprised me to know my parents had worked out the reason I’d left Montclair. I was too good at my job to be released for anything work related. Plus, what other reason could there be for the King of Valoria showing up at his footman’s childhood home and having tea with his parents unless something more was going on?

But to hear her say it shamed me. For her to know that was why I’d had to leave felt like more of a failure, somehow. This was a choice I’d made—to get involved with him, tell him I loved him. To allow myself to believe this could end any way other than with my leaving.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, and lowered my head, staring into the steaming mug of tea.

“Sorry? Whatever are you sorry for?”

“I lost my job because of this.”

“This? You mean love?” She reached under my chin, lifting my head until I was facing her. “Don’t you ever apologize for falling in love, my sweet boy. Never.”

“But I lost my job. I put you and Dad at risk of going without⁠—”

“You fell in love,” she said, cradling my cheek. “That’s all you did. You did nothing wrong.”

“I did everything wrong.” I closed my eyes, remembering the pain on Nicholas’s face when I asked him to let me go that final time. “And I have no one to blame but myself.”

“I don’t know about that,” she said as she brushed a tear away from my cheek. “You can be responsible for your feelings, sure. But the king’s responsible for his. And son, his eyes followed your every move.”