Page 70 of Duke in Darkness

Gabriel turned and stared at the fire in an attempt to regain his composure. Right at this moment he didn’t know which way was up. Mainly because of Lili, who had shown him such kindness and compassion. Helping him out of the tight-fitting clothing which remained the bane of his life, ordering him supper to ensure he ate. Actually suggesting a way to make his shoes more comfortable for his maimed foot. How odd that he’d never even considered doing that before. Pain had become so usual, so unexceptional, it was almost like an old friend.

And he was tired. So damned tired. Tired and scraped raw.

But he wouldn’t sleep. Not tonight. Dread had settled in his belly like a boulder as the cold gray of dusk turned into the pitch black of night, and he could remember the events of a year ago as though they happened yesterday.

“Gabriel?” said Lili, and he let out a slow breath and turned back to face her.

“I can’t…” he said hoarsely. “I can’t forget.”

Her hands twisted together. “I don’t want to put an ounce of pressure on you. But if you wish to talk about it—the battle I mean—I would be happy to listen.”

In response, his stomach growled embarrassingly loudly. “Perhaps…I should try and have…a little supper first.”

With dressing gown swirling around her ankles, her hair molten gold in the firelight, Lili bustled around the wheeled trolley. Soon he had a bowl filled to the brim with fragrant, steaming stew, and his mouth watered as though he hadn’t eaten in a week.

“Bread and butter?” she asked, holding up a small basket of thickly sliced bread.

“If you insist.”

“I do,” she said primly, and he almost smiled.

The stew went down perfectly, as did a bowl of vanilla custard, and Gabriel leaned back on one elbow and rubbed his stomach. “Inform the physicians. I now know…the cure for all ills. Beef stew, custard…and my wife as nurse.”

Swiftly, Lili collected the empty plates, stacked the cart, and then wheeled it back over to the main bedchamber door to put out into the hallway. When she returned, she settled next to him on the cushion pile. “I worried about you today. That the meeting might be too much after what happened at the ball. The date nagged me, and then I remembered why.”

His tension returned, but he forced himself to hold her gaze. “It wasn’t easy speaking of…my time in France. What I know of their tactics. I had to stop for water.”

Silence greeted him, and he wanted to kick himself for the unguarded comment that revealed such a weakness in himself. But then she reached forward and took his hand.

“Gabriel,” she said softly. “I want to apologize in advance if I do or say the wrong thing. I know however hard it will be for me to hear the story, it will be infinitely harder for you to tell it. But you look so tired. I wonder if you might like to rest.”

“In your lap?” he replied without thinking.

Lili nodded as graciously as a queen. “Of course. And I wondered if I might, ah, if I could perhaps stroke your hair? Only if you wish it, though.”

Gabriel tensed at first, but the offer was too tempting. Christ, he needed a gentle touch. “Very well. Just my hair. Not my face.”

“Yes. Only your hair, I promise.”

Turning himself around, he carefully lowered his head onto her lap. Soon after, her fingers began a light, startlingly good smoothing motion against his hair, and he leaned into her hand so she might increase the pressure.

Words started to tumble from his lips.

“It was pitch black, that night. Like the moon and stars…decided they’d had enough… and left us. No one expected the attack. Why would we? Our siege of Bayonne…was the most leisurely in history. We talked to the French every day. Exchanged goods and letters. And then three o’clock…in the bloody morning. April 14. All hell broke loose. General Thouvenot, the Governor of Bayonne…charged with five thousand men. Pure insanity. Napoleon abdicated on April 12. Even we had heard…the news unofficially…from exploring officers. Spies, that is.”

Lili gasped, her hand temporarily stilling. “So the governor knew, and yet attacked anyway?”

“Yes. Out of pure spite. And they came to kill. It was the worst…the most vicious…hand to hand combat…I have ever experienced. So much blood. And the noise. I’ll never forget the sounds. Everything is so much louder…in the dark. Rifles cracking. Swords clashing. The screams…”

Her fingers trembled. “But you bravely fought on.”

“Eventually we drove them back. But not before…hundreds and hundreds of men…lay dead. On both sides. The French lost more, in fact. But Major General Hay was killed. And Lieutenant General Hope, two of his staff…and two hundred and seventy-six men…were captured. Including...including...oh hell, Lili…” he struggled to breathe as harsh shudders wracked his whole body, the horrors of that night and what followed flashing through his mind like a series of gruesome paintings. Daylight hadn’t brought respite. Not for him.

“Don’t say anymore,” she choked out, her free hand reaching down to grasp his. “You don’t have to. It’s hurting you to remember.”

But he couldn’t stop himself. “There was a ridge. A safer place…with some scattered trees…where we could regroup and reload. I ordered my men up and over it. Hobbs wanted to stay at my side…but the next wave of French soldiers…were charging. I practically threw him over it. There wasn’t enough time…for me.”

“Oh God,” whispered Lili. “Oh God.”