Page 41 of I Will Always Love You (Maybe)

He cocks his eyebrow. “And?”

Well, darn my cheeks blushing. I slide my chair up to the desk, log on to the computer, and absolutely avoid my cousin’s ultra-invasive gaze. “And… Colby and I bonded. We spent so much time just talking and existing in the same space. She’s kind of amazing.”

“Wow,” Leo says and slides his chair up to the desk. “You’re not your typical weirdly giddy self when you meet someone. You look⁠—”

“Grounded.” Which is not only the only term I can think of that accurately describes what’s happened to my insides, it’s a state of being I wasn’t actually sure I’d ever achieve. And my God, it feels nice.

“Grounded. Yes. Good word,” he says. “Okay, tell me everything that happened. Except for… you know.” He scrunches his nose and this time I actually do throw a pen at him. “Just be prepared the next time when we go out, Emma will want a play-by-play of everything you’re telling me now, so you’re going to have to repeat yourself. You know my girlfriend… she lives for details. So, start with the day you got stuck out there.”

I suppress a grin. Leo blames the need for intel on his girlfriend, but he’s more gossipy than a prayer circle.

Where do I even begin? More snow than I’ve ever seen—which is saying a lot since we live in Minnesota. Breaking every muscle in my body by chopping wood. A freaking bear. The hottest woman alive saving me from said bear. Falling hard for someone in a pretty short, intense amount of time. Feeling supported and cared for more than I ever have before. The list is pretty endless.

I don’t want to compare Zoey and Colby. It’s not fair to either of the women. But Zoey and I were so deeply independent in our relationship. We supported each other, of course, but not like what I’ve seen with Colby. It feels so different. More mature somehow. More equally dependent. I have to laugh-cringe that I took that stupid podcast’s advice last year and tried to win Zoey back. Honestly, I don’t know what I was thinking. And had that ridiculous advice worked, I would have never met Colby.

But even more than the disastrous event last year with Zoey, there were a lot of things in the past that make me wonder what I was thinking. Decisions I made that were not in my best interests. Starting with pushing myself so hard to get distracted, to run, from myself and my memories, when really, I just needed to stop, learn, accept.

Is it possible to find myself in a week? Probably not under normal circumstances. But I suppose those who go on wellness retreats and spiritual journeys do it in less time than that. I think I just finally discovered what it is that I’m looking for, and it’s not a thing, or a person. What I was looking for was a release, a shedding of my past skin, of renewal.

And I finally got it.

In between clients, I tell Leo as much as I’m comfortable with. Does he really need to know that yesterday was some of the best sex I’ve ever experienced in my life? Nope. But I can share how cathartic it was to know that I genuinely don’t need to give my dad any more of my mental energy, but also that it’s okay if I do. I’m not running from it anymore, I’m not pretending it didn’t happen, I’m not pushing away any memories. If some pop up, I’ll work through them.

The hardest thing for me to articulate, because I know how it will sound to an outsider, is that everything has changed. And I never want them to go back to the way they were before.

TWENTY-SIX

COLBY

The bakery bell jingles against the glass and even before the warm whoosh of baked goods scent floats to my nose, I salivate. I have never related more to Pavlov’s dog than I do at this very moment.

Zoey looks up from behind the display case and pushes her chunky frames back up her nose. “Hey, Colby!” she says, waving. “Did you survive the winter storm?”

Um. Yes. Not only survived it but absolutely praying for another one. Maybe it could last for a month next time, or a year. Something that would keep Josie at my place, wrapped in my arms, naked in my bed. Enough time where we can test out the hot tub, and shower, and next to the fireplace and… “I did,” I say with a smile. “I can’t believe how intense it was. And in April, for Pete’s sake, huh?”

She can read it on my face, I’m sure of it. She knows I spent the week with her ex-girlfriend, the best week I’ve had in six years, and she’s going to completely bust me. Not that I have anything to hide, at all, but there is the tiniest bit of me that feels like I might be stepping on some toes.

“You getting your usual?” Zoey asks, already grabbing the tongs.

I pull my lips into my mouth. Yes, I love routine. I live for routine. And I’m pretty sure that Zoey knows this. After coming here for six years, with the exception of last week, I rarely deviate. “Actually, why don’t you do a variety pack. Six things, whatever you think I might like.”

Zoey’s brows lift beneath her frames. “Oh gosh, wow. Okay, let me think… Shaking things up, huh? Again. It’s like a whole new you.” She holds the tongs over the bakery items and finally adds a few macaroons, cookies, and a scone. She glances at me with a sheepish grin. “And… if you’re sharing this with Josie, you might want to go with the pistachio cream cupcake.”

Well, she called it out. No more avoiding the conversation. If I were back in my hometown of Fort Lauderdale, I wouldn’t even have a conversation. I’d simply find a new bakery, no matter how much I like Zoey, and probably never see her again. But small-town Minnesota is different. Even as much of a hermit I was (am), it’s inevitable that I’d run into Zoey somewhere in town. And besides, from a purely sugar-addicted self-preservation stance, there is no chance I’m letting anything get in the way of me and her baked goods.

I nod at the pistachio cream cupcake suggestion, and she adds it to the box. “Is this weird?” God, I hope it’s not weird.

My fears disappear with her smile. “Not at all. At least not for me,” she says as she tapes up the box and carries it to the register. “Are you two…”

I chew the inside of my lip, and God, there is no way she doesn’t read the smile that I’m trying to hide. “I’m not really sure what we are. But I know that I like her.” A lot.

“I am so happy for the both of you,” she says as she blows her black fringe back from her face and rings up the items. “You two are such great people, who both deserve all the happiness. I’m so glad you found your way to each other, however that looks.”

Zoey is good with this, I’m good with this, I don’t need to seek out a different bakery… I hand her my credit card and breathe out a sigh of relief. “How are you and Quinn?”

“Amazing, actually.” She holds up her left hand and twinkles her fingers.

“Ah, Zoey! It’s beautiful,” I say, peeking at the emerald cut ring. “Congratulations. When’s the date? How’s the wedding planning going?”