Page 12 of My Girlfriend is Not the Father

She crossed her arms. ‘I thought this was to assess my mental stability for carrying a baby for my friends, not about my love life.’

‘This meeting is to assess the entire individual to make sure you have the proper coping mechanisms during this journey, and the right support in place for potential postpartum depression. We want to protect you and the fathers and prevent separation anxiety or regret when handing over the newborn.’

Regret? Not gonna happen. ‘I’ve never wanted children.’

‘Why is that?’

Lucy flashed three fingers. ‘Poop, puke, and more poop.’ Fine, the reasons were deeper than that. And yes, she was in a therapist’s office, divulging at least some of her deep, dark secrets. But talking about the fact she lacked the emotional capacity to care, and the amount of nurture it would take to have a child, might be counterintuitive to trying to prove she could squeeze a baby out for her friends.

The doctor studied Lucy. ‘When you’re feeling anxious or overwhelmed, what is your go-to coping mechanism?’

Lucy stared at the window blinds, ran her tongue against the ridges of her teeth. ‘Ah, I guess rewatching my favourite shows, reading, knitting, spending time with my dad. I’m an eighty-year-old wrapped in a thirty-two-year-old body. Just slap a cardigan on me and you wouldn’t know the difference.’

Dr Nelson gave a gentle smile but remained silent for several long moments. ‘Would you say you use humour as a coping mechanism?’

Geezus. Man, this doc was going for the jugular. ‘Would it be better if I was sitting here cantankerous and crying?’ Lucy didn’t like her tone towards the doctor. But the question was valid.

‘Not at all. Just trying to dive into the inner workings of Lucy Green.’

Another hour flew by as Lucy answered life history and family questions. Dr Nelson shook her pen, scribbled, and grabbed a new one. ‘Let’s talk separation anxiety. How will you keep detached from the foetus?’

Lucy breathed out as heat swept her face. ‘I don’t think it’ll be an issue.’

‘How so?’

Lucy wrapped her foot around her ankle. She opened and closed her mouth several times before any words formulated. This question was not a shock. She had anticipated it and even prepared a little. But saying it out loud made her wiggle in the seat. ‘I’m going to say something that might disqualify me completely. Like, seriously.’

Dr Nelson placed her hands in her lap with zero expression. ‘This is the time to get it out. Please share.’

Here goes nothing. ‘There are times that I am so not worried about connecting with Drew and Mason’s baby that I feel like I’m a psychopath.’ She breathed in and exhaled a hefty breath. ‘Like, I want it to be healthy and whatever. But I really struggle to make, like, real connections with people. I don’t think that will change just ’cause it’s a bunch of growing cells housed in my belly.’

Dr Nelson nodded but remained silent.

‘Honestly, Drew and my dad are really the only people I feel anything … deep for. Please don’t say that to Mason.’ She could picture Mason’s sweet, analytic soul breaking down what that meant and taking it as a personal blow, not realising that Lucy’s lack of fuzzy, close feelings had always been her issue, and not a reflection on others. ‘It’s sort of been the crux of my relationship issues. One common theme from break-ups is that the women I dated felt like I could take them or leave them. And it sounds really crappy, but they weren’t wrong. I was never disrespectful, obviously. And we seemed to enjoy each other’s company. But when it was over, I just sort of moved on without looking back. I wasn’t really sad about it.’

Dr Nelson nodded. ‘Good news. You’re not a psychopath. But it sounds to me like you tend to dissociate.’

Lucy tugged at her skirt. ‘Oh, great. I saw a movie like that once. Does that mean I have multiple personalities and murder people while sleepwalking?’

The doctor smiled. But no laughter.

‘Tough crowd,’ Lucy muttered.

‘Dissociation or multiple personalities’ – Dr Nelson air quoted – ‘at least in the way you are speaking of, is not what this is. What you’re talking about is lacking the ability to feel intimacy. And that’s not always a bad thing. In this case, being a surrogate, it may actually help you.’ She looked at her watch. ‘Time to bring in the fathers.’

Lucy shuffled to the middle of the couch, then the end, then stood. The men probably wanted to sit together, which meant she had to choose which side to sit on. Which would be Drew, of course, but she didn’t want Mason to feel bad. Mason was sensitive and kind, and the last thing she wanted was to highlight her allegiance to Drew. Or am I overthinking this??

When the dads entered the room, she stepped to the left, then turned and stumbled a few inches. ‘Um, do I sit in the middle of you two, or side, or—’

‘Why don’t you sit in the middle?’ Mason lowered himself into the right corner.

Drew took a seat on the opposite end, and she plunked down between them.

Dr Nelson crossed her trousered legs. ‘How did you all meet?’

Kindergarten, a shared love of Cheerios, art, and dinosaurs.

‘I met Drew at our Catholic school when we were six. Instant best friends, even though he stole my grape-scented pencil.’