Page 34 of My Girlfriend is Not the Father

Back in the parochial school days, Sister Katherine had been the main guilt enforcer, pounding into the children’s heads that they should constantly think of all the terrible things they’d done that week and seek forgiveness. Thankfully, Sister Esther was there to offset with a stash of butterscotch candies and sunshine stickers.

‘Do you remember that time she whacked Jordan on the knuckles for talking back?’ said Lucy.

‘That kid was a dick, though. Still is. Remember when he tried to sell me some weird ass skin moisturiser a few years back?’

‘Oh God, I forgot about that.’ Chucky trotted up to her with a toy frisbee in his teeth and dropped it at her feet. She tossed it and he tore around the yard.

‘Hey, after the embryo transfer, you want to hit up Luigi’s the Second? Mason and I were thinking that’d be a perfect sort of “pre-celebration” spot. Although we all know how superstitious he is, so we won’t actually mention that. We’ll call it a post-appointment dinner.’

She threw the frisbee again. ‘Wait, they opened? I thought that wasn’t until next month?’ Luigi’s had been their favourite pizza and pasta joint for years, and she and Drew had been counting down the days until the second location opened.

‘Yeah, they opened last week. How did you forget?’

How did she forget? She pushed a thumb into her forehead. Ugh, she was so scattered lately.

‘I’ve gotta run. Gonna have some breakfast with my boss. I might need you to rescue me. If you get a text that says X, call me five minutes later and tell me that there’s an emergency. I’ll love you forever if you do.’

‘You already do love me forever,’ Lucy said. ‘But deal. I got you.’

After fully exhausting Chucky, she returned to the kitchen and popped a pod into her coffee machine. Soon, the freshly brewed scent filled the air. Cutting down from a four-cup-a-day habit was tougher than she’d expected, but with the transfer only a few short days away, the moments of enjoying even the occasional fresh cup were ending. The doctor said she could have one cup a day, or even switch to decaf, which she scoffed at (because, what was the point?). Ultimately, she wasn’t risking Drew and Mason’s kid coming out with an extra toe because she needed her morning espresso.

A few hours later, after a trip to the doggy park and a quick stop at the grocery store where she did not, under any circumstances, walk every aisle hoping to see Jade, Lucy pulled into her dad’s home.

The home conjured up complicated feelings, and each time she pulled up the long gravel driveway, she never knew which feeling would emerge. The summer after she graduated high school, her dad had bought this chunk of land and moved into a trailer on the property while he built a modest, one-level home among the trees and fields. Lucy suspected her father had wanted to move right after her mom died but didn’t because he also wanted to offer Lucy some sense of stability.

He rarely talked about her mom, or at least never initiated the conversation. Lucy struggled for years to reconcile what that meant, feeling like a nuisance when she asked about her, feeling guilty for how much she thought of her, and feeling angry that he seemed to just move on. Although he never dated anyone else, everything else just seemed to continue. As if she were never here. Not until Lucy was an adult did she understand that was how her dad coped.

That first year, he hugged Lucy when she cried, probably trying his very best with words like ‘Let’s focus on happier things. Want some ice cream?’ Sometimes it seemed he wanted to pretend his wife’s passing had never occurred. That instead of being truly gone, she was just ‘somewhere else’. He didn’t remove any pictures of her, redecorate, or even so much as remove her random bags around the house filled with cross-stich supplies and overflowing with yarn.

But when he moved into this home, he stripped everything of her mom away, as if she had never existed.

Though this house had never felt like home to Lucy, she had to admit it had grown on her these last fifteen years. A white house with black shutters and hanging plants lining the front porch. Surrounded by standing gardens, strawberry bushes, and mismatched lawn furniture. Perched bird feeders and birdhouses scattered the yard. She appreciated that the place was her father’s fresh start, but while sometimes that made her happy, sometimes it made her sad.

As she killed the engine and watched her father pull weeds from his vegetable garden, a dull ache filled Lucy’s chest. So many times over the years she had wished her mom was here – when she aced an impossible science course, graduated, was promoted at work, or when she first got her period. Now was one of those times. Her dad had the emotional intelligence of a pineapple, and she always leaned on Drew for moral support. But she couldn’t talk to Drew about all her feelings about surrogacy. He was on code-red high alert with anything she said, and if she said the wrong thing, he might dive into a tailspin of despair.

For once, she wished she had a partner.

Her father crossed the driveway to her truck. ‘Unless I’m losing it more than the average bear, you’re here on the wrong day,’ her father said, fisting a large chive bunch in his gloved hands. The front of his work jeans had stains from years of effort and garden dirt.

‘Come on, Chucky.’ The heavy truck door squealed as she opened it, and Chucky ran out to terrorise some bunnies. ‘Yeah, I was taking the boy out for a country drive, and we thought we’d stop by and make sure you’re fully hydrated and staying out of trouble.’ She bet good money her dad knew she was lying – she rarely stopped by unannounced. But right now, she needed her pops.

His red cheeks showed beneath his two-day-old, salt-and-pepper scruff. He tugged off his muddied gloves and waved her in. ‘Well, come on then. Better get some lemonade.’

Inside the house, he dropped the chives into a small bowl and washed his hands. ‘Hot as the devil out there today.’ He took off his brimmed hat and dried his hands and face with a towel.

‘What are you going to make with the chives?’ She dug in the fridge for lemonade.

‘Found a recipe in a magazine at the barbershop. Potatoes and chives. I almost ripped it out when I remembered I could take a picture with my phone.’ Sunlight burst through the blinds and Lucy snapped them shut. Her dad slid a stool out from under the table and slumped down. After gulping back the lemonade Lucy handed him, he wiped his mouth with his wrist and eyed her suspiciously. ‘Hope you’re not looking for steak tonight, ’cause I just took them out to defrost. Won’t be ready until tomorrow.’

She’d never dream of ruining their Sunday-night steak routine. ‘Nope, we’re still on for tomorrow.’ She sipped her drink and watched Chucky from the window roll in the dirt. Ah, the life of a dog – carefree, consumed with chasing, playing, and sleeping. She was a tad jealous of her canine companion.

Her dad stood, grabbed a cookie tin from the cupboard and pushed it towards her. He said nothing, and she appreciated it. She plopped her head into her hand and zoned out, her eyes lost in the view of the field outside the window, nibbling at her favourite sweetened shortbread.

‘I took the first big shot for Drew. Remember, I told you after the belly shots, I had to do the huge one?’

Her dad leaned back in the chair and tapped his fingers on the bottom. ‘Well, you’re still walkin’, so must’ve been okay, huh?’

She shrugged. ‘I had to have a friend come over and do it.’ Her father broke his usual stoic face with a slightly raised eyebrow, and her ears turned warm. ‘Uh, I had a hard time doing it myself this time. I’ll totally get it tonight, though. I just got spooked.’ The words rushed from her lips. Hopefully, she’d get it tonight was probably more accurate. She really did need to do this on her own. They had only a handful of days prior to transfer, and then the entire first trimester, where she’d have to stick herself. But the thought of Jade being there last night, her firm hands steadying Lucy, the concern flushing Jade’s face that she seemed to try to hide but couldn’t … Lucy guzzled half the lemonade and avoided her dad’s gaze.