Page 53 of My Girlfriend is Not the Father

Yes and no. When Jade showed up on her doorstep a few minutes ago, wet and frantic, Lucy absolutely did not expect Jade to say what she said. Yes, Lucy wanted to hear those words, and she felt the same. But finding out she was pregnant the same day as finding out about Jade’s feelings … the room was spinning. Her heart was spinning.

‘Can we sit?’ Lucy moved to the couch without waiting for a response. When Jade joined her, Lucy tugged the blanket across Jade first, then rested it in on her lap. ‘Do you want a dry shirt?’

Jade shook her head. ‘No, it’s fine.’ She inhaled through her nose and slowly exhaled. ‘I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have dropped this on you tonight. You’ve had a huge day, but I just couldn’t wait.’

Chucky eased himself into the corner and slumped back down to sleep. Lucy tugged on her lower lip, willing herself to speak. The last few months of getting to know Jade had shifted everything Lucy knew to be true. She’d never seen herself with a partner. She assumed she’d go on random dates until she died, and receive her joy from friends, her dad, and her dog. And now, the real possibility of a future froze her.

‘What are you thinking?’ Jade reached back again for Lucy’s hand, her delicate fingers padding the top of Lucy’s hand.

Lucy’s fingertips interlocked with Jade’s, soaking in the safety and security of her touch. ‘I’m terrified, honestly. I’ve never had this before. I’ve never even wanted it. And now that it’s here, I guess … I just don’t know what to do.’

Jade’s eyes flickered down and several moments passed. ‘I’m really scared, too. After Elizabeth, I said I would never open myself up again. Ever. The pain was too much and I lost my identity, you know? I was no longer a person; I was just one half of a couple. And I don’t want that to happen again.’

Speaking about the divorce was rare for Jade, and Lucy leaned into the words. She couldn’t understand the pain of losing love and then opening yourself up to it again, but she could relate to the overwhelming pain of losing someone you loved when her mom died. She played with the top of Jade’s fingertips and let the words sink in. ‘I can’t guarantee if we do this that it won’t happen. I’ve never been in a real relationship before. I don’t know all the rules and what to do, and what it will look like with this …’ Lucy waved her hand against her belly, pulled in a full breath of air, then released it through her nose. ‘But there’s no one else in the world I’d rather try this with than you.’

A soft grinned curved Jade’s lips. ‘Yeah?’

Lucy nodded, a low, steady heartbeat tapping against her chest. ‘Yeah.’ She scooted closer to Jade, cupped her cheeks in her hand, and swiped her thumbs over Jade’s face. Oh, her face was so soft. How had she never felt her skin before? Delicate, porcelain, perfect. She pressed her lips against Jade’s. Gently at first, feeling her mouth warm. Jade parted her lips, opening Lucy’s mouth up with hers, and pushed back with her velvety tongue.

Okay, maybe this was real.

Jade was the one to pull back this time, her gaze intent on Lucy. Her mouth opened like she wanted to say something, but instead, she captured Lucy’s mouth again. Gripping the back of Lucy’s head, Jade deepened the kiss. Her plump lips filled Lucy’s mouth. Lucy grazed her tongue against Jade’s, relishing the taste of strawberries and coffee. Jade sucked on Lucy’s bottom lip, shifted her other arm, and tugged Lucy closer. Deeper, with more intention now. Lucy smiled into the kiss, dizzy and gasping.

The only sounds were the patter of rain against the window, heavy breaths, and Chucky snoring. He snorted and Lucy snapped her head to the side. ‘God, he’s a buzzkill.’

Jade grinned, her reddened lips highlighting her blushed cheeks. ‘Oh, Chucky.’

Dog or not, Lucy had waited too long for this moment to let anything get in the way. Before she could let logic sink in and mess with the pheromones, she grabbed Jade’s hand. ‘Do you want to move to the bedroom?’

‘You have no idea how much I want to.’ Jade hopped up and threw the blanket on the couch.

Lucy had some idea. She refrained from sprinting down the hall, her fingers intertwined with Jade’s. Once inside, Lucy shut the door behind them both. ‘Chucky’s gonna have to stay in the living room tonight.’ She pulled Jade in for another kiss.

Oh wait. Lucy was being super presumptuous. Just because Jade confessed her feelings didn’t necessarily mean she wanted to sleep with her. Or did it? Should she ask? Or was that like the romance kiss of death?

‘What’s wrong?’ Jade stepped back, her eyebrows creasing. ‘Are you okay?’

God, I’m the worst. I am overthinking everything and ruining this moment. Lucy was the queen of casual sex, never mixing emotions with the bedroom, and it worked. But this was so different. What if feelings interfered and made activities worse? What if it made the sex so much better that she became co-dependent and ridiculous, and started chasing Jade everywhere she went?

‘I’m fine. Totally good. You? Everything good?’ Lucy’s words came out hushed and frantic and definitely not sexy. She pinched the bridge of her nose. ‘I’m swirling. Totally overthinking. And ruining the moment.’

Jade hugged Lucy tight against her chest and kissed the top of her head. In a snap, the scent of rain-misted clothes mixed with Jade’s citrus musk filled Lucy, and she melted into the embrace. Maybe she didn’t know how this would go. But she had Jade with her, sharing this, powering through the fear together.

Lucy lifted her head, brushing her lips across the top of Jade’s cleavage. Slow and steady, she inched her way up, the sweet, salty skin rich under her tongue. Her fingers gripped Jade’s waist as she trailed kisses from the base of her neck, to below her ear lobe, to her jawline.

Hands rested on her hips, strong, pulling Lucy towards Jade. They slid up higher, up her back, behind her head. Jade reached down, capturing Lucy’s mouth. Gentle kisses firmed, pushing, and soon Jade owned Lucy’s mouth. Lucy’s legs felt nearly useless, and she leaned against the wall for support. She breathed into the kiss, feeling light-headed and dazed, and Jade’s arms flexed, supporting her.

I am safe. God, Jade’s mouth tasted so good, her tongue so strong yet soft, a perfect balance of needing and wanting. Jade parted Lucy’s leg with her own, her thigh pushing against Lucy’s centre, and Lucy’s breath hitched.

‘Is this okay?’ Jade asked, her fingers hovering on the outside of Lucy’s robe, one hand dancing on top of Lucy’s naked thigh.

‘Yes, yes, perfect …’ Lucy murmured as the touches against her skin sent jolts through her body. She cupped Jade’s ass … oh my gosh, perfect, sweet, beautiful ass … and moved closer. The friction wasn’t enough. She needed more. She wanted it all.

Jade stopped and dropped her hands.

Oh no. ‘What? What’s wrong?’

Jade exhaled a shaky breath. ‘The paperwork … you told me that one time about signing paperwork that you wouldn’t have sex with anyone … oh shit. I want this so bad. But is this illegal or wrong or whatever?’ Even as Jade spoke these words, her face said, Dear God say this is okay.