Page 56 of My Girlfriend is Not the Father

A flash of panic crept up Lucy. ‘I’m not even halfway done yet with this thing, and is this how I’m going to be from here on out?’ She was only fourteen weeks along, not even close to the halfway mark; it wasn’t even 6:30 p.m. yet, and all she wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep forever. Was the entire next year going to be like this?

‘Hey, hey.’ Jade held Lucy’s shoulders. ‘It’s totally fine. Seriously. I almost forgot about it, too.’

No, she didn’t. But Lucy needed this win to not feel like crap. ‘I’m so scattered. I don’t even understand how I forgot about tonight.’ She was hot and cold, mad and sad, wanted to hit something and wanted to sleep. Her body twisted in every way, and her shoulders shook. ‘I’m so sorry … but I just can’t. I’m so freaking tired and feel like poop and my back hurts and—’

Jade pulled her in. The cedar bergamot scent rising from Jade was the only thing that didn’t make Lucy nauseated. She rested against her chest as Jade stroked her hair.

Jade pulled back and planted a kiss on Lucy’s forehead. ‘It’s no big thing. We can go some other night.’

‘Other nights will not be opening night.’ Lucy had really wanted to show her support. The community was friendly and open, but it wasn’t filled with queer shops like San Francisco, LA, or Seattle. And the more they could rally, the more queer-friendly shops would open. And now she wanted to cry again. ‘I think I cried ten times in my life up until I got preggo, and now I feel like I’m crying every day. What’s wrong with me?’ Her belly rolled, low and uncomfortable. She pulled away and dug in the cabinet for saltines.

‘Isn’t this normal? Aren’t pregnant women like … extra all the time?’ Jade accepted a cracker and split it in half. She chewed in silence for a bit, breaking off a tiny piece for a whiny Chunky. ‘So, listen, since we’re not going to the opening tonight, I think I’ll just head home and do some paperwork.’

Great, so now her girlfriend – her smoking-hot girlfriend – with her black skinny jeans and off-the-shoulder black sweater and freshly applied make-up wanted to leave for the night. Lucy hated that she was kind of relieved. She wanted a snuggle buddy but had limited energy for much else. They hadn’t been intimate for almost two weeks and Lucy’s pyjamas superseded sexy time with Jade. Twenty-year-old Lucy hated herself right now.

The saltines stuck against the roof of her mouth, and she nearly gagged again. ‘Did you have time to break everything down by quarter?’

Jade shook her head and crouched down to Chucky.

Was she avoiding eye contact? Lucy tried not to butt in too much with Jade’s salon business, but some things Jade did made Lucy want to pull her hair out. She didn’t properly look at quarterly, or even monthly trends, which was so important for business owners. Lucy had this talk almost weekly when she spoke to small business owners at the bank. No matter what your business – wine, jewellery, specialty bakery, porn shop, whatever – it was imperative to study the numbers so that you could learn how to maximise profits. But anytime Lucy tap-danced even around the subject, Jade clammed up.

Lucy didn’t want to say it … okay fine, it was kind of, well … irritating! Jade could make her business so much more successful if she just spent a tiny bit more time on logistics and less on doing hair. ‘Why do you keep putting it off?’

Jade’s face flashed red. She adjusted the shoulder on her sweater and stood from petting Chucky. ‘Because,’ she sighed, ‘after working all day, dealing with customers and manager shit, I’m tired, too.’ Jade’s feet smacked against the floor as she grabbed her coat draping the kitchen stool. ‘Hey, I’m just gonna head out. I’ll call you tomorrow.’

‘Okay, cool.’ Lucy followed her and nearly sobbed when Jade shut the door. Yes, they had been friends for months before they got together. But once they did, they had never once parted without a kiss.

Until now.

Chapter 21

Jade

Jade swore at the snow piled on her windshield. She was a Midwesterner to her core, and normally, the white crisp flakes tapped into something satisfyingly primal within her. The substance, whether powdery, flaky, or full, dredged up the want to engage in a snow fight, or go sledding, or skate on a lake.

But today, the snow was more of a wet, clumpy, dirty slush. And she was over scraping her windshield. She wasn’t even in Lucy’s house that long, definitely not long enough for this white crap to coagulate on her car. She grabbed a brush and pushed off the snow, then flumped into her car and slammed the door.

Breathe, breathe. Jade shouldn’t have snapped at Lucy like that. It wasn’t fair. But ugh, they’d talked about this open house. A lot. How the hell did Lucy forget? Nope, breathe. It wasn’t like Jade couldn’t go alone.

Lucy hadn’t been feeling well this month so most of the time Jade stayed in with her, cuddling on Lucy’s couch with her and Chucky. And Jade loved it. Really, she did. But she’d been looking forward to the opening night all week – and she had not imagined going alone.

She pulled down the block, slush spraying beneath her tyres. A snowplough moved behind her and she inched over to allow it to pass, its blinking lights illuminating the snow-covered streets. The plough shook her car as it passed, and even the radio couldn’t drown out its metallic scraping sound.

‘Ugh!’ Jade yelled to no one as she pushed her head against the back of the seat.

Was this level of irritation warranted for the queer bookstore open house? Probably not. But … it wasn’t just that. Lucy had hit a nerve about the salon books.

A couple weeks ago, Jade finally dived into the books and started recording discrepancies. What with the whirlwind of a new relationship, she’d pushed aside Shayna’s sinking profits, a vendor who marked up their products over twenty per cent without warning, and an electric bill that was supposed to be on autopay which oddly defaulted to paper and got lost in the shuffle. Being with someone special pushed pesky things down the priority list – like having a solid heart-to-heart with her former top stylist as to why she was currently ranking ten out of seventeen. At this point, Jade just needed to accept that for the second year, Shayna hadn’t brought in what she brought in the first year. And maybe that wasn’t that odd? People tended to hustle hard their first year in a salon as they fought to push their way to the top. Sometimes it was harder to maintain a top spot than get there in the first place.

Jade slid to a stop at the light and scolded herself for being distracted. Minnesota winters and space-cadet driving did not mix, and she needed to focus. She plucked her wool gloves off and gripped the steering wheel.

God, why had she stomped out like that? Elizabeth used to always complain that if anything got heated, Jade would bolt. Lucy didn’t deserve that reaction, and as Jade turned down the block to her neighbourhood, a pinch squeezed in her chest.

Her girlfriend was having a damn baby for someone else. A freaking baby! Jade should be back at Lucy’s rubbing her feet, running a bath, helping with dishes – not having a short fuse. She had no idea, nor desire, to know what it was like to be pregnant. And she had gone into this relationship with eyes wide open, knowing things would change for Lucy as they went forward. Jade should be more accommodating and not let these little things get to her.

Because these little things were getting to her, hard, and she needed to pinpoint why. Two nights ago, Lucy promised to get Jade’s favourite eclairs from a local bakery and forgot. And last Monday, they were supposed to go see Kate McKinnon’s latest flick, and Lucy forgot she had a doctor’s appointment. Jade had to choke back her irrational irritation. Again.

She slunk into the house, tossing her keys on the counter. The candy stash in her drawer called to her, and she indulged as the chewy caramel melted on her tongue. She popped one more, put on her sweats and ripped off her bra, an unofficial declaration that she was not going alone to the bookstore opening. She was staying in for the evening.