Page 49 of Forced Proximity

I’ve officially crossed the line. For one night, I can’t control myself. Who have I become? This isn’t me. I let emotions compromise his safety, and I feel sick. I press myself into the wall, the coolness shocking my bare upper back, and breathe out the rage.

Justin sits back down near his friends, with a flushed face, drooped shoulders and a deep frown. He looks so remorseful, but I’m the one with remorse. I’m better than this. More disciplined than this. My stomach contracts, clenching down so hard it might crash into my liver. I compromised Justin’s safety. And for what? So I could feel fucking pretty? Or because I needed to be touched – like that – after so many years to dull the loneliness I refuse to admit that consumes me? He’s a client. This is selfish. Dangerous.

Tonight needs to end. I need to go home. Now. I scan the crowd, disgusted with myself and resume my visual sweep.

But when I glance back to Justin’s table, I nearly break into a sprint.

Chapter 23

Lexi

Ivy’s just flung a leg over Justin’s, and even though I’m about two seconds away from bolting to their table to break up the contact, I force myself to freeze. Justin shifts his body away and her leg drops.

I release my constricted breath.

The next twenty minutes slog by at the speed of a sloth before Jack finally arrives to relieve me from this nightmare. I’m livid with myself for my indiscretion, even more pissed that I’m turned on, and tired. I need to go home and forget everything about tonight.

‘You look different,’ Jack says without a hint of joking in his tone as he glances at me in the dress, hair and makeup.

Jack. Captain Obvious.

It must be nice for him to blend into the crowd with his standard slacks and polo.

‘Can’t wait to get back into my normal uniform tomorrow.’ I grab my purse from the side table and loop it over my shoulder. ‘A couple quick observations. One, there were more people on the sidewalk than anticipated. Have house security scope it when they’re ready to leave. If there are still too many, tell the driver to meet you in the alleyway off the kitchen. Even though the studio wants photos of Justin, we have the right to overrule. Second, they’re down one bouncer in the southwest corner. I’m not worried, only observing. And, ah, there’s a few girls that Justin approved to be near him. So, you can let them be.’

Jack nods and scribbles in his notepad. We chat for a few more moments, then I move to let Justin know that my shift’s over and to apologize for being the worst bodyguard in the world. My heart drops. He’s hip-to-hip with Ivy on the couch who’s now draped over him like a coat. Whatever.

I cannot fucking wait for this night to be over.

Outside, the warm nighttime breeze is exactly what I need to shock me out of whatever the hell happened tonight. The crowd on the sidewalk is suffocating, and I need nothing but a shower and silence. I order an Uber, then trudge to the side of the building for air. The image of Justin with Ivy twists my gut. I’m not totally delusional thinking Justin and I had a moment, but clearly, it meant more to me. Which is stupid. So freaking stupid. I cannot be having moments with a client. I can’t be standing here wishing I was folded into his arms and feeling his body pressed onto mine.

‘Hey, Doc. You headin’ out?’

I snap my head to the sound of Conner’s voice and squint into the dimly lit alley where Conner stands, leaning against the brick wall. Jesus. A note right out of the playbook of why you should never be distracted. Granted I’m off duty and my guard is down, but I didn’t even see him. ‘What are you doing out here?’

‘It’s a naughty, horrible habit. But I wanted a smoke.’ He takes a deep drag, blows it out and moves out of the alley to meet me on the sidewalk. ‘Would you believe me if I said I only smoke when I drink?’

‘It’s none of my business what you do to your body. I’m here to protect your friend, not you,’ I say, harsher than I intend. But God, I just want to go home and sink myself into a bathtub until my skin wrinkles.

A sly grin spreads behind his freckles. ‘So, you’re saying you think about my body?’

‘Jesus Christ. Men.’ I pinch the bridge of my nose. ‘One-track mind.’

‘You have no idea.’ Conner stomps out his cigarette and inches closer. ‘Justin hates that I smoke. That dude’s pretty disciplined. I like seeing him drink, though. Loosens him up a bit.’

I don’t want to talk about Justin. I don’t want to think about the way I melted into him, the way he smelled so goddamn good, the way that, for a second, I pictured what it would be like to know him on a deeper level. ‘Yeah, well, that shit’ll kill you.’

Conner doesn’t shut up as I wait for an Uber. I check the app. Shit. It won’t arrive for another twenty minutes, and if I wasn’t worried about getting Hep B, I’d kick off these heels and hike the fifteen miles back to my place. I toss my phone back in my purse and nod politely at the babbling Conner who’s droning on about some stock option crap that I have less than zero interest in.

He’s kicking a small rock against the brick wall, his hands shoved in his pocket, when he stops talking and drags his gaze up my body. ‘You know, Doc, you’re looking fine as fuck in that dress tonight.’

Ugh. The only reason I even agreed to this whole dress and makeup thing was to blend in with the crowd for Justin’s safety. Even if a tiny bit of me felt beautiful tonight, and I’m still blushing at Justin’s reaction when he first saw me, it doesn’t mean I want to hear it from Conner. ‘You should get back inside. I’m sure Justin’s looking for you.’

‘Ah, he’s got that hot blonde keeping him company.’

Conner’s probably right.

I hate this so much. My heart shouldn’t be hurting at the thought of Justin slinking next to Ivy. I shouldn’t be thinking about Justin at all, except to make sure I gave Jack the proper notes. My head throbs. I rest it against the wall, close my eyes and push my thumbs into my temple.