Page 58 of Forced Proximity

I sigh. Marcus is a businessman, of course, but his priority will always be his agents. ‘I’m fine.’

‘And is the client okay?’ he asks.

‘Yes, he’s fine.’

His chest relaxes. ‘Then this does not need to go on your permanent record.’

‘Stop it.’ I put up my hand to block any more words. I know what he’s doing, but he can’t. Not again.

Several years ago, I broke down a hotel door and used excessive force to detain my British diplomat client after hearing the sex worker in his room screaming in horror. Marcus swept it under the rug, saying he was both proud and terrified by my momentary lack of control. But when a male operative used excessive force and was fired immediately, he threated Marcus with a discrimination lawsuit. I can’t let another terrible decision affect Marcus, too.

‘Of course it has to go on my record,’ I say. ‘You can’t give me preferential treatment again.’

He stares at me with heavy eyes, before sipping his coffee. ‘Okay.’

‘One more thing.’ I straighten my spine, even though I want to crumble. ‘I’m quitting, effective immediately.’

‘Absolutely not.’ He sets his mug on the table. ‘There’s no reason to quit.’

If he knew the truth, he wouldn’t say this. Telling Marcus the depths of my incompetence and unethical behavior makes my hands shake. I live for his approval in the way people live for food.

‘I need to come clean.’ I tap my fingers against the ceramic mug and swallow back the nerves. ‘I’ve undermined my position and your reputation with this client.’

He tilts his head. ‘How so?’

I bite the inside of my cheek and take a deep breath. ‘The evening at the nightclub, I accompanied the client on the dance floor, compromising my six …’ I pause. ‘I got swept up in the moment and closed my eyes while dancing.’ I’m disgusting. I don’t want to look at Marcus, but I do anyway and wait for him to return the same look of disappointment.

His expression stays neutral. ‘What else?’

Oh God. Here it goes. Will he regret hiring me? Offer me some pity-laced ‘extra training and mentoring’ so I don’t make this mistake again? None of this sounds like Marcus, but I can’t help the thoughts. Please, if there’s a God, crack these hardwood floors open and swallow me into the basement. ‘Yesterday, during a hypoglycemic shock, I became disorientated, unstable and lost consciousness.’ I’m going to throw up. ‘The client had to help me.’

‘Are you okay?’ His neutral expression morphs into softened eyes, which is terrible. I can’t have Marcus’s kindness right now.

‘Yes,’ I say sharply. ‘Don’t patronize me.’

‘I’m not.’ He pulls the mug back to his lips. ‘I’m simply asking about your well-being after a medical emergency.’

Nope. He can’t play the nice cop, father-figure routine. I need punishment. ‘This was all my fault.’

‘This is not your fault. You had a medical emergency while on duty. I was fully aware of your health history when I hired you.’ His stern gaze flickers to mine. ‘I won’t allow you to punish yourself because of something out of your control.’

I slap my hands on the table. It’s hard enough to admit everything and he’s coddling me like a child. He needs to reprimand me. Suspend me. Fire me. Something. If Justin would’ve gotten hurt, it would’ve been my fault. And Marcus is sitting here with a soft voice and kind eyes, and it makes me burn.

‘This was one hundred percent in my control, and I failed. You see that, right? I’ve let myself and the company down. This will ruin my reputation.’ Yesterday, Marcus offered me food after our workout, and I forgot about it. I was too distracted by reliving my rage. Forgot about food? What’s next, forget my gun’s loaded?

‘Knock off the bullshit. We’re going to talk like humans.’ He puts a hand on my shoulder. ‘Tell me what’s going on.’

Blush bites into my cheeks. This is beyond mortifying. I should just walk out, quit and keep whatever’s left of my dignity. ‘I, ahem, developed feelings for my client. I thought I could handle it. I really did. But I realized after the nightclub incident with Conner, I let it go way too far, and it makes me sick.’ God, this is the absolute worst. ‘Anyway, I was upset and knowingly worked out too hard without proper blood sugar monitoring to help alleviate the feelings of … er, I was pissed, ok? I was fucking pissed about everything, at myself, that I let you and me down, and I took it out on the punching bag.’

He nods. ‘This all makes sense. You were hitting it hard yesterday.’

So dumb. ‘By the time I got to his house, my levels shot down quicker than expected, and Justin had to help me. And I was fatigued during the day and fell asleep sometime around ten.’ After saying this out loud, I think I might actually die of shame. ‘Dammit, Marcus. I left my client exposed. Vulnerable. You should fire me immediately.’

He takes a deep breath. ‘Congratulations, Doc.’

Is he serious? Congratulations for failing at the highest level? ‘For what?’

‘For being human,’ he says. ‘So, you had a lapse of judgment. Because you have feelings for someone, the first time since Katey, yes?’