Page 120 of Scarred

By the time the muffins are done, I’ve made a plate of eggs to get some protein in before practice, and the kitchen is put back together.

We sit at the table and enjoy our breakfast as Scar fills our ears about the recital this weekend. I’ve never seen her this excited about something, and seeing her and Luna bond over their love of dancing brings another smile to my face as I watch them across the table.

It’s easy to picture more mornings like this together.

Too easy.

It feels natural…like we’ve done this a thousand times before.

By the time we are done with breakfast and I walk Luna to the door, I’m just as sad as Scarlett that she has to leave.

“Will you come back?” Scar is in my arms, clutching her stuffed animal as her big blue eyes watch Luna get her bag.

“Of course,” Luna smiles, reaching her arms out for a hug that Scarlett doesn’t hesitate to jump into.

“Pwomise?” Her little voice is muffled in Luna’s neck as she holds her tight. My throat gets tight as my heart beats painfully in my chest.

I was always so careful to keep my pain hidden from Scarlett. I have done everything in my power to fill both the roles of a mom and a dad, so she wouldn’t have to feel the loss I did.

But she felt it anyway.

She may not understand loss the way I do or why goodbyes make my chest tighten, but somehow she still feels the fear of loving someone who might not always be here. I feel that undercurrent of fear now, weaving its way around us as if it were my own.

It is my own.

I’m stepping into the unknown and putting not only my heart out there, but my daughter’s heart too.

Luna meets my eyes over my daughter’s head as she holds her against her chest.

“I promise,” she says quietly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

She may be answering my daughter’s question, but her eyes are talking to me. The depths of her greens send a wave of calm over me, and I tamp down the fear that wants to surface.

She tears her eyes away and lightens the mood for Scar. “Who else is going to make muffins with me?” She smiles, tickling her side and making her giggle.

“Cause I’m the best helper!” Scarlett grins.

“Yes, you are,” Luna laughs, setting her down.

“See you later, awigator!” She runs off toward her playroom in a hurry, everything completely happy in her world again.

“After a while, crocodile,” Luna calls out.

“I guess I’m not the only one who wants to keep you here,” I say softly when our eyes meet again.

She’s looking at me like I’m her whole world.

Past all the scars to the man that I’ve forgotten existed before all the damage was done.

“Come here,” I groan, pulling her to me as my lips meet hers. I dive in, desperate to feel her again. She clings to me with the same urgency, and all I want to do is carry her back upstairs and never let her leave my bed.

Keeping her safe with me…always.

I hear the running of little feet somewhere distant in my brain, reminding me we are not alone, as I finally break away.

“You'd better go before I really kidnap you and keep you here,” I growl, running a hand through my hair and stepping back so I can get better under control.

“Goodbye,” she giggles, opening the front door.