Page 175 of Scarred

I don’t know what happened today, but the man who kissed me goodbye this morning is not the same man who’s texting me right now.

Clutching the pillow tighter, I give in to the pain and fear I’m feeling until my eyes are too puffy and swollen to stay open.

Sleep eventually finds me, but it brings me no comfort. I toss and turn all night as nightmares plague me of losing not only Cayden, but the little girl I’ve grown to love and pictured as my own daughter someday.

Each dream I have steals them from me until I wake up, reaching for the people who are no longer there.

I force myself to take a bite of my lunch even though I have no appetite. I don’t know how I got through my private yoga sessions today, but I somehow managed to keep it together.

All it did was remind me of our sessions together that we now do at his condo, and how there is a possibility I may never get another one with Cayden.

My phone lies on the table next to me, taunting me with wanting to just call him. But if he’s truly pulling away, the last thing I want to do is pressure him into talking to me when he’s not ready.

Sighing, I reach for the phone anyway, hoping someone else can help me understand.

Finding her contact, I press call and listen to the ringing.

“Hello?” Savi’s voice answers on the second ring, and I take a deep breath.

“Hi, Savi.”

“Hey girl,” she says, in a muffled voice. “Give me one second.”

I hear movement in the background and a small baby cry before she gets back on the phone.

“Sorry about that. I needed to get Beck in his baby wrap. It’s his favorite place to take a nap, and it allows me to still walk around and get things done,” she laughs.

“How’s he doing?” I ask, smiling at the last time I saw him at the Bolts game. He was wearing a little Bolts beanie with Knox’s number on his sleeper. His dark hair curled out the sides as he slept peacefully in his wrap tucked against Savi’s chest.

“He’s the best,” she says, and I can hear the smile in her voice. “Knox and I are definitely sleep deprived, but loving every minute,” she laughs softly. “So what’s up with you? Married yet to Cayden with a baby on the way?” She teases, and my heart plummets further. “I swear it’s like looking at Knox and me when we first dated, minus wanting to kill each other in the beginning,” she giggles.

“It’s uh…it’s actually quite the opposite. He…pulled away yesterday.”

“What do you mean he pulled away?”

“He said he needed space. I was hoping you heard something from Knox and could maybe ease my mind a bit and help me understand.”

The silence on the other end of the phone is deafening. My pulse picks up, and my throat goes dry. “Savi?”

“Oh, Luna,” she sighs. “I was really hoping he wasn’t going to do this.”

“Do what?” I ask, clutching the phone tighter, my palms starting to sweat.

“Yesterday, he showed up to practice, and the guys even forgot. Knox said Cayden arrived happy, just like he has for the past few practices, so no one thought anything of it until the coach asked him what he was doing there.”

“I’m not following. Why wouldn’t he be there?”

“Yesterday was the anniversary of Jules’s death,” she says quietly. “Cayden never skates that day. Not even if there’s a game.”

“Yesterday?” My heart pounds in my chest as her words sink in.

My voice barely works as I utter the next word. “He forgot?”

“When the coach told him what day it was, Knox said he grabbed his things and left before anyone could talk to him,” she adds softly.

I suck in air that suddenly feels too heavy to carry in my lungs.

“I haven’t known Cayden very long, but even I notice the change in him. He’s got a light back in his eyes that was never there before. Anyone can see how much he loves you.”