Page 29 of Scarred

She’s in every laugh I hear around me.

Every smile that I see.

Guilt weaves its way in and sinks its teeth into me. It should be Jules I’m thinking about. Not some girl I barely know. I made a promise that I would never forget her, and it terrifies me that I will.

Rusty comes over with a small bag in his hand, and I force a fake smile.

“I’ll take that check now.”

“It’s on the house,” he smiles, handing me the bag. “For your little girl.”

I peek inside and see a slice of chocolate cake. “I never told you I had a daughter.”

“My wife was a huge Bolts fan and got me into hockey. I knew who you were the minute you sat down.”

Something he said catches my attention. “Was a big fan?”

“She passed away ten years ago,” he says softly, his eyes full of understanding. He hesitates briefly before continuing. “It gets easier, you know…with the guilt.”

I stare at him, not sure how in the hell he could have known what I was feeling two minutes ago.

“It was written all over your face while you were looking out at the water,” he explains. “I recognized it immediately because I dealt with it for years. Every laugh you do, every smile, every thought that’s not about her feels like a betrayal. It will eat you up if you let it.” He sighs and looks at the waves gently lapping the shore, deep in thought, before turning back to me. “It took me a long time and a lot of wasted years in torment to realize that finding happiness again isn’t leaving them behind. It’s carrying what they gave you forward.” He pats my shoulder and walks away, leaving me to ponder that alone.

My gaze drifts back to the vast ocean. His words echo in my head.

I’ve spent years holding on to something that wants to destroy me.

Maybe it’s time I figure out a way to stop letting it.

TEN

LUNA

“I’m taking you to lunch,” my mom declares, walking into the private yoga room that I’m cleaning after my last client.

“I have another client today,” I start to argue, wiping down bolsters and continuing with my work.

“She just called and moved it back an hour. Come on, I want to take my baby girl to lunch,” she smiles, knowing I won’t be able to say no to her.

It’s not that I don’t want to have lunch with her, it’s just that she reads me too easily.

Ever since my appointment with Cayden last week, I’ve been out of it, and I know she notices. When she asked how it went, I brushed it off, saying it was fine when it was anything but.

I’ve replayed that session over and over in my mind, wondering if I overstepped my bounds or pushed him too hard, too soon.

When I got to work today and checked my schedule for the week, I noticed his follow-up session was canceled. Which means, I royally screwed this up with his coach, and more importantly, Cayden doesn’t want my help or believe I can.

“Okay, I’ll go,” I sigh, throwing the towel down and grabbing my purse. It will probably do me good to get some fresh air anyway.

“That’s my girl!” My mom beams as I follow her out. She locks up and then links her arm with mine. “Rusty’s work? I’m craving a salad from there.”

“Works for me,” I smile, walking alongside her as we head toward the restaurant.

The place is packed when we arrive, the lunch rush is in full swing, but we manage to find two seats at the bar overlooking the water.

Rusty appears almost immediately with a big grin on his face.

“Well, you two are a sight for sore eyes. What can I get you two beauties?”