Page 56 of Contracted to the Bikers

“Is this because of your daddy?” I ask softly.

“He’s not my daddy!” she screams, throwing a plastic Stegosaurus at my face. It hits me hard enough to leave a small mark.

“Jessy, that’s unacceptable,” Rook chides. “Apologize to your mom.”

“No!” she screams, her face red, clenching her little fists. “You can’t tell me what to do!”

For once, Rook seems powerless, uncertain how to handle a furious six-year-old who doesn’t respect his authority. He almost loses his temper, and I see him make the effort to calm down and remind himself that Jessy is a child who has been through a lot.

“Jessy, that’s enough now,” I say sternly. “I want you to clean up this mess right now!”

She stands breathing heavily, scowling, shoulders heaving. Boone slowly moves to pick up her favorite plushy.

“Come on, I’ll help you,” he offers gently.

“I don’t want them in here! They’re stupid baby toys!” she screams, snatching the toy from his hands and throwing it. It hits Cruz, who’s hovering in the doorway, before soundlessly falling to the floor. “Leave me alone!” she adds, shoving Boone with both hands for good measure.

“Jessy!” I shout, ready to lose it now, feeling confused and hurt that she’s acting out, and helpless to know how to help.

Boone looks equally helpless. He comes over to me, holding my hand in solidarity. Rook stalks off, removing himself. I’m grateful for their help, but having us all try to discipline her isn’t helping. “Maybe you should go too,” I whisper to Boone.

He nods, kissing me on the head. “I’m just in the other room if you need me,” he says before leaving.

I turn, ready to face the onslaught of my child’s tantrum, but Cruz beats me to it. He crouches down to her level. She ignores him, continuing her dogged pursuit to rid herself of all her many dinosaur toys. Every time she tries to throw out a toy, he catches it and puts it back without saying a word.

“Stop it,” she tells him.

“No.”

“Yes!” she says, shoving him with both hands.

“Jessy!” I gasp in shock, appalled to see my well-behaved little girl physically lashing out.

“It’s okay,” Cruz says, softly, for her just as much as me. “Jessy’s having a lot of big emotions, and she doesn’t know how to process them, is that right?”

Something breaks through, a glimmer of my little girl. The fight goes out of her, not totally, but enough. She nods, wiping her eyes as tears spring forth. I step forward, wanting to hold her in my arms, but Cruz holds up a hand to stop me, signaling, ‘not yet’.

“I used to feel like that, too. Sometimes I got so angry I felt like I was going to explode. I ended up lashing out at the people I love, too.”

She looks at Cruz closer then, her little face earnest. “What did you do?”

“I learned how to channel it. A way to channel all that anger and fear, and learn how to protect myself.”

At that, her eyes light up, and I realize that this is all stemming from her feeling helpless after the kidnapping. “Can you teach me?” she asks.

Cruz glances at me, and I nod my permission. “Of course I can. Tomorrow. But first thing you gotta do is clean up this mess and apologize to your mommy for hurting her.”

Jessy looks stricken at the thought of hurting me, her eyes dart over to me, and the look of guilt and shame that crosses her face when she sees the red welt on my cheek makes me forgive her instantly. She runs to me, and I drop to my knees, wrapping my arms around her.

“I’m sorry, Mommy!” she sobs into my shoulder.

“It’s okay, sweetie, mommy’s okay,” I soothe, kissing her soft hair. I meet Cruz’s eyes over the top of her head and mouth a silent thank you. When her sobs finally subside, I ask her, “Sweetie, why do you want to get rid of your dinosaurs?”

“Because collecting toys is for babies. I need to grow up and be a big girl now so that everyone can be safe.”

My heart breaks a little more for my baby girl. “No, you don’t, sweetie. It’s my job, and your dads’ jobs to keep us all safe.”

“Collecting toys isn’t for babies either,” Rook says, striding into the room carrying a large cardboard box. He plops it down on the floor in front of us. “Not unless you think I’m a baby?”