Page 77 of Insidious

“So instead of facing the situation that was making you uncomfortable, you avoided it. You stayed at work.”

“I didn’t avoid it,” I snap, surprising even myself with the outburst.

She raises an eyebrow.

“I avoided it.”

Her expression changes to there it is.

“Did you ever tell Luna you felt that way?” she asks.

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because she was avoiding me. She wouldn’t even look me in the eye. Most of the time, I felt like she didn’t want me near Amelie. So, I kept my distance, let her and Mum handle her. Because it kept the peace, you know? But that changed nothing … Except, I just grew anxious of handling Amelie. She was so tiny.”

“So you felt you were protecting Luna … by disconnecting from her?”

I look away.

“I didn’t think of it like that. But I guess, yes. I guess, looking back, I was only protecting myself.”

“And that’s why you’re here,” she says gently. “Do you feel remorse?”

“Yes.”

“Guilt or remorse?” She clarifies.

“What’s the difference?”

“Guilt is about how you feel. Remorse is about how your actions affected her.”

I think about that.

“Remorse,” I say finally.

“Good,” she says. “Then show it.”

“I said sorry.”

“Once?”

I hesitate.

“A few times. I don’t know if she trusts my apologies.”

She shakes her head slightly.

“Rebuilding trust requires consistency, whether you feel she believes it or not. Say it enough times and mean it,” she says. “Not a single apology. Repeated acknowledgement of your mistakes. And lots of patience.”

I nod slowly.

“That doesn’t mean grovelling.” She clarifies. “It means you are holding yourself accountable for what happened.” She leans forward slightly. “Say it,” she says.

“What?”

“What you did. Without adding a ‘but’ at the end.”