Page 88 of Insidious

My birthday was quiet. Just the three of us and an almond and raspberry crepe cake which I inhaled while Amelie looked disappointed in her heartless mother.

I roll my eyes and took another bit while Isaac, shifted the baby in his arms.

“Mm.”

And there it is.

That stupid smile. That flicker in his blue, blue eyes.

***

He has started taking the pram out in the evenings.

And he always asks, “Want to come for a walk?”

Sometimes, I say yes. Sometimes, I don’t because I am feeling blue.

The first time I said no, I expected the flicker of disappointment. I expected him to say, “Come on, it’ll be good for you.”

It didn’t come.

“Okay,” he said simply. “I’ll take her. I have left a smoothie on the table for you. Drink up.”

And he gave me a little time to myself. I didn’t know what to do with the time at first. Being without Amelie felt like I was missing a limb.

Then I wandered. Picked things up and put them down. Made a cup of tea and drank it while it was still hot. Started a book I didn’t finish.

***

A few days later, he leans against the kitchen counter and watches me rinse bottles. He has just come back from a run. With his T-shirt sticking to his abs and those muscular legs on display, I need to physically stop myself from slapping that butt.

“You were watching that yoga class on the telly,” he says. “Didn’t you do it regularly at the gym?”

I shrug. “Used to.”

“You want to start again?”

I huff out a laugh. “In this body? With Amelie?”

He doesn’t brush it off.

“Yeah,” he says. “In this body. Didn’t the health visitor okay it?”

I don’t answer.

***

In the evening, after dinner, he takes the baby from me without asking.

“I’ve got her,” he says. “If you want to think about going back to the gym. Or take a walk.”

“Are you saying I need to exercise?” I ask with a huff.

“No, Luna. I just thought I would give you a break. Just … go. Have an hour.”

I hesitate.

“She’ll cry.”