Page 39 of Secrets of Ruin

“Yes. Something amazing, and what I believed to be impossible, came from all that horror.”

“Why would loving him be impossible?” Sahira asked. “Because he’s part vampire?”

“No.” Kaylia had forgotten that Sahira didn’t know about Fabian. “I was engaged once to a man who was murdered by a vampire.”

Sahira’s hand was still, and Kaylia glanced in the mirror to discover Sahira’s mouth agape. “I didn’t know… I’m so sorry. How awful.”

“Thank you.” Kaylia’s gaze lowered to the hands she’d clasped in her lap. “It happened centuries ago, but I still love him.”

“That’s why you created the crone realm. You went there to grieve.”

“Yes.”

Lexi placed her hand on Kaylia’s knee; she knew this story. Adjusting her hold on the hairbrush, Sahira bent to hug Kaylia.

When tears burned in her eyes, Kaylia closed them before she started crying again. She was afraid she’d never stop if she started.

She squeezed Sahira’s arm and held on to her before releasing her friend. Sahira rose and squeezed Kaylia’s shoulder before returning her attention to the knots in her hair.

“I never thought I’d fall in love again; I didn’t think it was possible,” Kaylia whispered. “Immortals don’t love twice.”

“You have one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever encountered,” Lexi said. “It only makes sense that it would have room to love more than once.”

“I guess.” Kaylia closed her eyes and tried not to fall asleep while Sahira brushed her hair. “It’s just so unusual and believed to be impossible, but I do love Brokk. He can’t replace Fabian, and I don’t want him to, but he’s claimed a huge piece of my heart.”

“That’s a good thing.”

“But you feel guilty,” Sahira said.

“It’s impossible not to. It got better while we were in the dungeon, but before then, my love for him and the guilt felt like they were tearing me in two. It doesn’t help….”

“What doesn’t help?” Sahira asked when Kaylia’s words trailed off.

“It doesn’t help that I’ve come to love Brokk more than I loved Fabian,” she admitted in an ashamed whisper.

“Kaylia—”

Kaylia couldn’t stand to hear what Lexi was going to say. It would be something forgiving, and she shouldn’t be forgiven.

“I didn’t think that was possible,” she interrupted. “Fabian was everything to me. Yes, it took a while for our relationship to grow into what it became, but before it did, he was my best friend. Over time, he became something more.

“And then, the same thing happened with Brokk; it took time for my love for him to develop, and a whole lot of shitty things happened before it did, but that’s not why I fell in love with him. I couldn’t help that. He’s such a good man with a kind heart, and he would do anything for me. He deserves to be loved completely, and while I love him more than Fabian, I can never give him everything he deserves.”

And she hated herself for that. No one spoke as they digested her words.

“I feel like I’m betraying Fabian with Brokk,” she finally said, “and that I’m failing Brokk.”

“You’re not,” Lexi assured her. “Fabian has been dead for hundreds of years, and you’ve loved him all that time, and now you’re getting the chance to move on and love again. That’s an amazing thing.”

“Every immortal I’ve ever known has gone to their grave still loving the one they lost… if it happens to them. As long as they live, they grieve the loss of their love.”

“But you’re different than them. We’re all different, and we all love in numerous ways.”

“I just… I never believed I’d love at all… until Fabian. It wasn’t something I was looking for. I enjoyed being single; I had fun with my friends and different men and wasn’t looking for that to change.

“Then Fabian came along, and everything changed. Initially, I didn’t find him attractive, and he certainly wasn’t my type. Brokk is far more my type than Fabian, but he captured my heart.”

Sahira continued to work the tangles from her hair while she told them how she’d met Fabian at a Samhain party. At first, she rebuked his advances, but they became friends. Over time, that friendship developed into something deeper.