Page 79 of When Ashes Fall

Last night had been so different than anything I’d experienced with him before, yet I couldn’t deny I’d liked it. I’d been thrilled in the way he dominated my body, took possession of me, and consumed all doubts.

While things with Seth had always been amazing, this was different. This was a man on the verge of unraveling and a woman who could help him maintain his restraint—a woman who could give him what he needed without fear.

I’d relished the mingling of pain and pleasure. Somehow, it made me feel more alive and more connected to the broken parts of him.

I was more than a little crazy to have enjoyed the fact he’d left me bruised and sore in ways I’d never been before, but every mark on me was one he left. While I hated this morning, I’d allowed myself to love him for a little bit last night.

For a little while, I let myself believe there might be hope for us. That was gone.

I fisted my hand but restrained myself from driving it into the mirror. I’d prefer not to look at myself, but I couldn’t look away.

With trembling fingers, I traced my swollen bottom lip. A red mark still revealed where it had been split open and bled, but the cut had healed. My fingers fell to the bruises on my neck. While there was some discomfort when he’d squeezed, it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle.

I’d felt his unraveling and desperation to retain control of the beast as he asserted his dominance. He had to be the one in control, and I was more than happy to relinquish it to him.

But what would have happened if he had lost control?

That doesn’t matter because he didn’t, and I’m never putting myself in this situation again.

After drying off, I put on my still-wet clothes from yesterday’s rain. The material clung annoyingly to me and iced my skin, but I couldn’t bring myself to take anything else from the shifters who once resided here. At least my shirt hid most of the bruises, though a couple on my throat remained visible.

When I left the bathroom, Knox hadn’t returned, but Gizzi sat on one of the chairs. His puffy hair had calmed a lot since yesterday, though tufts still stuck up on the top of his head and back.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine.”

His nose twitched, and I could feel his desire to say more, but he didn’t. While Gizzi watched, I cleaned the cabin the best I could. There was no salvaging the comforter, and if the owners of this place ever returned, they’d need a new mattress. However, at least they wouldn’t discover the blood as I tossed the blanket onto the still-smoldering logs.

When it caught fire, flames burst outward, flinging feathers around the room; some of those feathers were on fire. Thick, black smoke coiled up the chimney as I stomped on the burning feathers before removing a broom from the linen closet and sweeping them into a dustpan.

Once I finished, I removed the ruined sheets from the bed and tossed them onto the dwindling flames. The warmth of the cabin intensified as I burned everything we’d ruined, but no matter how much I tried to eradicate the evidence of last night, the memories lingered.

While I worked, the soreness in my muscles and between my legs eased, but every twinge was a reminder that I’d been weak enough to give myself to him. I’d managed to withstand the overwhelming lust of my Needing, but I couldn’t refuse that asshole even though I’d known it was a big mistake.

When I finished cleaning, I gathered the ruined clothes and added them to the fire too. I felt bad burning the woman’s things, but it felt worse to leave the destroyed garments on their ruined bed.

I stood by the flames as they burned down to smoldering coals again. Satisfied that the remaining fire wouldn’t burn down the cabin, and unable to tolerate the stifling heat anymore, I opened the front door and stepped onto the porch.

Gizzi’s claws scraped the wood as he scampered after me. While I was burning things, Knox had saddled and bridled Magnazius before tying him to a nearby hitching post.

CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

Briar

I concentrated on the stallion. “Where is he?”

“The barn,” the horse replied.

My eyelid twitched at this revelation. Had he spent the whole night there? He probably preferred to sleep on straw and animal shit, rather than next to me.

And that was fine by me.

Yesterday, Wildwood seemed like a place of freedom. Today, it was as much of a cage as Nightshade. I wanted to be free of it all.

I didn’t fit in anywhere and had no control over my life. And I was done with it. I’d become complacent in this land of sprites and roses, but no more.

I didn’t care what it took; I would be free.