Page 50 of Wrong Squad, Right Mess

Was there some part of him that remained uncorrupted? A part that felt that was too far?

I shook my head, because it felt like looking at Spot all over again, seeing goodness that wasn’t there because it made me feel safer. I preferred to think the world wasn’t as horrible as it seemed, because it gave me hope that tomorrow could be better.

“I am curious now. Why did you choose to come to me on your own?”

“Because I didn’t want anyone else to suffer for me.”

“You always have been too kind for your own good.”

“Why do you talk about me like you know me?” The casual familiarity he used chafed, as though he thought we were close. “I was a teenager when you met me.”

“We spent six months together here.”

Much of that was a blur to me, just trauma after trauma. My brain had faded so much of it, probably to protect me from how horrific it truly was. I recalled pain, fear, loneliness, but little else.

“We didn’t speak during that time,” I pointed out. “You used me, then you left me and only came back when you needed me again.” I hated how I sounded angry, like a lover left behind. It still seemed better than letting him paint this as some deep connection.

“You were afraid of me. How was remaining around you going to better that?”

“Of course I was afraid of you! You abducted me, you abused me, you forced me to guide you when I hadn’t even known I was a guide.” My voice trembled at the end, but I didn’t hide it, didn’t bother to keep it in. Let him see the messy parts he’d created.

“And that was why I gave you space. Besides, I had enough to worry about.” He paused, then glanced to the side, toward me. “You know, the more I interact with you, the more I’m forced to acknowledge that you are different than you were before. You’ve grown and changed dramatically. I wonder if that’s a sign of age, experience, or if they are responsible.”

“I’m just not a child anymore. I’ve had ten years to grow into myself. I’m here because I don’t have another choice, but don’t think I’m going to just cower like I did before.”

“You’re willing to risk everything just to feel better about yourself? It isn’t as if anything you do would change what happens, so what’s the point of fighting it?”

I thought about Carter, about the absolute menace he was when it came to doing as he pleased. It had me almost wanting to smile, as though I could hear his voice in my head. It wasn’t just the years, it was them who had changed me, seeing people who didn’t give a damn if I were difficult, if I caused problems. Hell, they behaved as though they enjoyed it, like they got a kick out of me standing up to everyone—including them. It had me looking at him directly, not hiding a bit, wanting him to understand that I truly wasn’t the same frightened little girl he’d known before. “Because if you’re going to fall, you might as well make it a problem for someone else.”

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Shear

No matter how hard I pushed, how much strength I put into my probes, I could find no sign of Yun.

Well, there was this dark space and, judging from what we understood of the dungeon, that was where the heart was—and thus her. However, anytime I tried to sense in that direction, I found nothing. Just silence, so heavy that I knew it wasn’t natural.

“This is what you need?” the elemental esper asked, the same woman who we’d run into at first, holding a large pack.

They wouldn’t have normally given us restocks of anything, but a few quick messages had worked wonders.

Or rather, Kaidan had worked wonders.

The guide had actually dared to step into the dungeon, something guides never did. The fact he had even been allowed went to show his power within the Guild, the number of favors he held over those in command.

“Did you get it?” he asked in my head. I hadn’t known to make that connection until he’d had a mentalist at the portal reach out first, allowing me to find his mind, to lock in so we could communicate.

“Yes. She just arrived.”

“Good. I had everything you could need packed. I could—”

“No.” I shook my head as though he could see that. “There is no way you are coming farther into this dungeon. The fact that you even breached the portal is nearly unthinkable.”

“I am not so fragile as you think, and Yun is more than my friend—she is family. I can’t just stay here and do nothing.”

“And if you come deeper in and risk yourself? I fear Yun far more than I fear your displeasure. We are going to come back with her, and when we do, you had better be waiting.”

The hesitation from Kaidan went to show he didn’t love that idea. It again made me wonder about the two of them, about their bond. It was good for Yun, a bond that existed outside of us, but that didn’t mean I liked it. The idea of anyone else having a part of her pushed at territorial and possessive instincts I hadn’t known I possessed.