Page 9 of Good Intentions

My wings flared slightly, and I straightened my spine. “Uh, no, little one. No girlfriend. I’m not really allowed to have a girlfriend.”

The tiny child let out an outraged gasp on my behalf. “Why? Sera has five boyfriends. Why can’t you have one girlfriend? You’re handsome like the man on the billboard near my old school. You could have a girlfriend if you wanted one.”

She made it sound so simple. “I will keep that in mind.”

“You should. You could give each other hugs, and she could tell you you’re handsome and you could buy her ice cream.”

My mind instantly flashed to Bray, holding him in my arms and giving him comfort. At that moment, I’d felt… content. Sad for the man who’d lost everything, but the touch of his flesh to mine had made me feel fulfilled. The feel of Nora’s body against mine when she kissed me. I cleared my throat. “What you describe does seem lovely, little one. I shall think about it.”

She nodded, fishing around in a large satin pink purse. “Okay. That’s good, but now you gotta feed your baby ‘cause it’s hungry.” She handed me a little bottle that when tipped upside down, the liquid disappeared like magic. Human ingenuity never ceased to amaze me. I held the small plastic bottle to the doll’s mouth. Then she handed me a plastic crown. “Also, here is a tiara. We’re princesses now. Well, you’re a prince, but I don’t have a crown, so you’ll have to have a tiara instead.”

I laughed, positioning the tiara on my head. When was the last time I’d laughed like this? “How do I look?”

She smiled at me, her teeth crooked, with a few missing. “So handsome you could have two girlfriends.” She filled up my teacup again. “Now, did you hear what Susan did last week?”

The pink in my wings spread slowly until it covered the lower third of my wings. Despite being away from Nora and Bray, despite staying with the Horsemen and Serendipity, I was still Falling. It was a slow, torturous fall, something almost insidious. I sat around a fire pit with one of the Horsemen, Cain. He held the infant angel in his arms, and the baby slept quietly, his miniature wings tucked tightly to his back. When I looked at him, all I could see was the failure of Michael’s plan. How can saving Serendipity all those years ago have caused me to begin to fall, but Uriel had created an underground cabal of the worst of humanity in an unorthodox human sorting system that somehow led to the suffering of innocents. And even then he didn’t fall until he laid with Serendipity. Not the abhorrent nature of his actions, but lying with a Nephilim, though I doubted he knew what she was when he’d done so.

He’d created this small being, and it was considered the abomination, but not Uriel.

How could kissing someone as noble as Nora be considered as heinous as starting a war that led to the subjugation of human women?

“Can you hold Madoc while I go and get another beer?” Cain asked, handing me the baby, just like Cara had done last week. I took the fragile little life into my hands, and he disappeared into the house before I could protest. I looked down at the baby’s face, his round cheeks and tiny pink lips looked too perfect to be real. I patted his wings that felt as soft and downy as a baby bird. Gently so I didn’t wake the infant, I spread his wings wide. They were just like ours, created by the Father himself. How could anyone look at this child and think he was an aberration? A soul deep revelation settled over me. He was beautiful and perfect, and if saving him made me fall, I didn’t care. I had no regrets.

I looked at the sky, and hoped they heard me. “I don’t regret it, you know?” I repeated to the person behind me.

Solomon, the Horseman of Famine, appeared from the darkness. I knew he was there; they didn’t think I was a threat, but still, they protected their heart. Serendipity. The children. This babe.

“Saving Madoc?” he asked softly, sitting in the chair his brother-in-arms just vacated.

I shook my head. “No, saving Serendipity when she was this young. Defying Michael, and by extension the Father, by not eradicating her.”

He sucked in a startled noise and I realized he didn’t know. Had Gusion not told them who they housed? I could have saved them so much heartache. I could have saved Serendipity so much heartache, but instead, I did the bare minimum.

Solomon cleared his throat. “I didn’t know,” he confirmed. “But thank you. I might be biased, but I think you did the right thing.”

Sadness washed over me. An acceptance of my fate. “As do I, and therein lies the problem, no? The actions of the Fallen make more sense to me than that of my brethren. Uriel was the final nail. An Archangel aiding human suffering. Is that what we are really about? What do we really stand for?” Anger replaced the guilt that ate at me. Why was I burdened with this turmoil, when Uriel had been righteous until his final moments. Was this feeling not an admission of wrongdoing?

Clearing his throat, Solomon gave me an understanding expression. “Sometimes, you just have to go with your gut.”

I almost laughed. “That is not how we are programmed, Horseman. If we question, we Fall.”

Looking out into the darkness, I let it wrap around me like a cold embrace. I felt when Serendipity entered the backyard.

Her voice was soft, kind. She should hate me, but she’d been nothing but kind. “It is a different era now, Raphael.” Her voice sounded immeasurably old at that moment. She’d lived far more than human lifetimes. Seen more things than any human should see. “Humankind is different. Sin is different. Why should Angelkind not evolve too?” she said, echoing the words of her father the last time I’d seen him. So alike those two, despite being separated by centuries. “Michael himself gave me a pardon. Were his actions any different to yours, albeit a few millennia too late?” She walked toward me, and sat down on the lap of the Horseman beside me. “Tell me what happened, before my father and Lucifer fell.”

Swallowing hard, I handed the child back to his father. Looking at Serendipity, I took my punishment. I laid it out for her, my role in her suffering. In the death of her mother and all her kin. For the first time in my immortal life, I told someone what happened that night. I spared no details; I didn’t soften my role. I went there to kill her and while I’d failed at my task, I’d felt guilt about that failure ever since.

She reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing it softly. “If you had made a different choice, I wouldn’t be here. I know true love now, Raphael, and that in itself is glorious.”

Glorious. Was she right? Was true love the real glory? Had Michael misinterpreted the Plan?

I blinked wildly as the truth of it settled over me. How could it not be true? Serendipity was happy. Ace and Lucifer were happy. The Fallen had the love of a woman who was almost Nephilim. How could this not be his plan when so many loose threads had converged into something that was bright and pure and perfect?

I got to my feet quickly. “I must go. Thank you for your hospitality. Please inform Lucifer that your obligations to me are complete.”

I materialized a world away, in the middle of my Clinic. Nora screamed. She was standing over a patient who was thankfully unconscious. I walked toward her and kissed her hard. I kissed her like I wanted to kiss her weeks ago. I kissed her like kissing her wasn’t a betrayal of everything I’d ever believed, but rather a celebration of it.

“Nora, what's wrong?” Bray said, moving toward the table quickly. I turned and kissed him too. It wasn’t quite as passionate as when I'd kissed Nora, but it was hard and filled with feelings I didn’t know what to do with.