Page 187 of When Love Takes Root

Calista’s expression softened, but her voice stayed steady. “No, Sis. You grieved. Then you handed grief the wheel and let it drive you straight past wisdom.”

My fingers curled against the counter. The pressure pushed crescent moons into my palms, but I didn’t loosen my grip.

Cassia stood and came closer. “Did Josiah do anything to make you feel unsafe?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Did he disrespect Jamal?”

“No.”

“Did he pressure you?”

“No.”

“Then what happened?”

My eyes burned. “Kayden looked at him like he was replacing his daddy, and I saw my baby hurting. I saw Jamal’s chair at the table. I saw the girls watching me. I saw JJ trying to hold the whole room together. And I just . . . I couldn’t breathe.”

Calista’s face changed. All the bite left her eyes.

Leilani’s voice lowered. “Baby, that’s real. But you can’t keep mistaking every breath for betrayal.”

The tears came before I could stop them. I turned toward the mirror like I could hide from women who knew the sound of my silence.

Cassia stepped behind me and rested her hands on my shoulders. “You love Jamal.”

“With everything in me,” I whispered.

“We know.”

“I will always love him.”

“We know that too.”

Calista came to my other side. “But loving him forever doesn’t mean your life has to keep proving it by staying lonely.”

I pressed my lips together.

Leilani stood and walked toward me. “And your kids need to hear that from you. Not through tension. Not through you flinching every time Josiah breathes near a family memory. From your mouth.”

I wiped my face. “What if it hurts them?”

Cassia squeezed my shoulder. “It already hurts.”

Calista nodded. “You’re trying to keep them from pain, but the pain is already in the house, eating snacks and using Wi-Fi.”

A laugh broke through my tears before I could catch it.

Leilani pointed at me. “Exactly. You still know how to laugh. Praise Him.”

The laugh cracked open and came out wet. I covered my mouth, but the sob slipped through my fingers anyway. Cassia’s arms came around me from behind, firm and warm. Calista took my hand and rubbed her thumb over my knuckles like she was trying to call me back to my body. Leilani stepped close, waited until I lifted my face, and held my stare with love sharp enough to cut fear and gentle enough not to cut me.

Leilani kept her voice low. “Listen to me. You’re not wrong for being scared. Fear can knock. Fear can warn. Fear can even make you pause long enough to pray. But fear doesn’t get to pastor your house. The Lord is your Shepherd, not your trauma.”

My breath shook.

She didn’t look away. “God didn’t bring you through widowhood, motherhood, bills, grief, salon rent, teenage attitudes, and children who think outlets sparking is a minor plot point, just for you to reject peace because it came dressed like a fine electrician.”