Page 12 of The Dragons’ Eternal Mate

Rolling my eyes, I let out a tired breath. “I just might. I’m too busy to argue with you right now.”

“I’ll take what I can get.” Bastian started toward the lobby. “And you’ll take whatever I can snag to keep you going.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I gestured with my head at the door. “Go on, Nina. Get some sleep.”

Nina sagged, giving in, but she paused on her way out. “I’m really happy you’re back, Rowan.”

I nodded again, tossing her a smile that didn’t reach my eyes.

What else could I say?

I wasn’t sure whether I was happy to be back. For the moment, Ma was my priority; I would have to deal with my fucked-up emotions later.

After I’d done what I could for the time being, I stepped outside to get some fresh air. I needed to breathe in without it smelling like that damned salve. Sure, I was grateful for the stuff, truly, but sensory memory was a hell of a thing, and the scent brought everything back.

Exhaustion like nothing I’d felt in a while crowded in around me, and I leaned against the exterior wall. I’d run out of North Oak so damned fast that I hadn’t considered what would happen to the people here. I’d been rash and stupid, and I was paying the price for it.

Worse, so was everyone else.

“I should have been here,” I whispered, wiping away the tears gathering in my eyes.

I was a healer. Ma had been nothing but kind and loving to me, and the moment she had needed me, I was gone, fleeing like a scared child.

“This isn’t your fault,” Nix said, appearing from around the corner. He’d apparently seen me go outside, but I was in no mood for sympathy.

“Not my fault?” I hissed. “Of course it’s my fault. I antagonized Cyrus via Jenkins. He hated me before, and I did nothing to stop that.” My sobs came hard and fast.

More footsteps reached me, and I could sense the approach of my other mates, which I didn’t deserve. Their support felt like a blade, carving into me and exposing every feeling I didn’t want to face. It was hard to compartmentalize with them around. I’d been lied to, I’d created an entire life and a new identity, and I’d been a fool the entire time.

“No,” Bastian growled, grabbing my arms and forcing me to look at him. “None of this is your fault. My father’s pathetic idea of how a horde should run is to be faulted. He is weak and insignificant, and he will fucking pay for this.”

“Half the horde is out for blood after what happened to Ma,” Nix agreed, crossing his arms.

“And the other half?” I asked, glaring between them as my face burned, eyes stinging.

Orsen grimaced. “Some of the older dragons… they’re loyal to Cyrus, from what we hear. Griffin has been dealing with that.”

“They’ll either come around to our way of thinking or be exiled from the horde,” Bastian growled. “Cyrus wanted me to start being a more active Alpha? Well, he’s not going to like how that plays out.”

“You can’t have a mass exile of the older generation,” I said in shock. It wasn’t unheard of, but it was harsh. “Those people, they just…”

“Yes, we fucking can. And I won’t regret it for a moment.” Bastian held my stare without blinking, the picture of conviction. “Supporting cruelty makes you cruel. Saying nothing in the face of violence and prejudice makes you one of the perpetrators.”

I let out a jagged breath. The North Oak Horde was in shambles, and it was all because of me. Sure, Bastian had a point. I wasn’t feeling particularly forgiving toward anyone who was still Team Cyrus after he’d nearly killed Ma while on the rampage to kill a pregnant woman. The thought of supporting him after that was ridiculous.

Still, I hated being the reason a chasm was forming in the horde. Though if I were being honest, truly honest, it felt like Cyrus was always going to be upset. Bastian, Nix, Orsen, and Grey were my mates. One way or another, I was going to find these four Alphas, and that was going to change the way Cyrus’s precious horde was led.

Thinking about it, he had been quite naive in his decision to take me out. Even with me gone, the guys would have opted to lead together. Or did he really think his son wanted power that badly?

Cyrus had chosen this violence.

“Rowan!” my best friend shouted from across the courtyard, running toward me at full speed before crashing into me, pulling me into a tight hug.

“Hey.” I squeezed Griff tightly, the tension melting out of me for a moment, and taking solace in this somewhat change of subject.

“Are you okay? Well, all things considered, anyway?” Griffin pulled back to look me over intently.

“Physically, I’m fine,” I insisted, jerking my head at him. “Though, where the heck have you been? I half-expected you to fly to the Southern Dust Lands to get me.”