Page 168 of Challenge Me

“It’s nice to know someone would miss me, I guess.”

“Is it poetry?”

I shook my head but didn’t explain. Clearly, that was a mistake. He snatched the book from me, and I didn’t care enough to fight him for it. By the looks of him, he’d win that one.

His lips turned down and his brows knitted together as he read what I’d written. When he looked at me again, there was a surprising note of anger there.

“What the hell is this, man?”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “Isn’t a guy allowed to vent around here?”

“Go ahead, then. Vent. Not this.” He held up the notebook for emphasis. When he thrust it back at me, I barely managed to grab it.

“Oh, fuck off. You don’t have any room to talk.”

“That’s why I’m saying you’re a dumbass.”

I averted my gaze, not sure how to respond. A man of so many words, yet I kept finding myself speechless these days.

“Is it really that bad?” he asked, more controlled than before.

The phone rang inside, and I glanced at the door with a scowl. “Depends what you consider bad. I stopped answering that damn thing my first day back from Florida. I have to second-guess everyone I have a conversation with. Tommy kicked a guy out the other day that I thought was having a rough time, but it turns out I wasn’t helping him through his breakup. He was recording the entire time. People take pictures of me when I’m at the store, getting a smoothie, lifting weights . . .” I shook my head hard. “It’s hell, Roman.”

“It’ll die down.”

“Stop saying that!” He blinked a couple of times, and I squeezed my eyes shut for a second to find my composure. “Everyone keeps saying that. Nobody understands that it’s not about the negativity of it all. It’s everything. I feel like I’m always running, looking over my shoulder.”

“Yeah, that part sucks. Imagine how bad it is being with Travis.”

“I don’t want to imagine that. It’s great that you’ve found a way to deal with it, but maybe it’s not for me.”

“What makes you think it can’t be?”

“Because peace was all I ever wanted, man. I’ve fought enough battles just trying to exist. And now, I’m becoming resentful, and I don’t want to be that. It’s not his fault, but . . .”

“But it doesn’t change anything.”

“Odin gouged out his own eye in pursuit of wisdom. I’d trade mine for this to all fade away, to leave me with my modest little bar and the people I care about most.”

He studied me for a minute. “Why’d you choose to follow him? Odin.”

“I didn’t.” My fingers went to my necklace. “In my darkest moment, I cried out to the gods my mother spoke to most. They sent him.”

“Is it because they saw that you were strong?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “I wasn’t strong then, but that’s what I needed to become. You don’t take the Odinic path and survive if you’re not willing to break and remake yourself, over and over again.” As I stared at the notebook, I gripped the edges tightly. “It’s a lonely path, one of blood and agony, but if it’s taught me anything, it’s that we can’t control everything in our life. We’re forced to suffer the fate of mortals, and so I have to choose a road that doesn’t turn me into a version of myself that I hate.”

“I get it. Really, I do. But will you listen to one thing I have to say?”

“If it’s something good.”

“Give him a chance to fight for you, okay? If I’d done that, I would’ve saved us both a lot of pain.”

“But you said that time apart was when you grew into the person you needed to be for him.”

He offered me a rueful smile. “That’s our reality, sure, but in hindsight, what was stopping us from doing all of that growth together? As one of my friends likes to say, sometimes the journey sucks, but we still have to go on it. But really, we do have some control over the path we choose to take. So choose wisely.”

With a nod, I closed the notebook and held it against my chest. I followed him inside wordlessly, and without really thinking about it, I returned to the front of the bar. Amir’s eyes were assessing, but they noticeably brightened when I smiled at him. He reached across the counter, and I let him take my hand.