Page 31 of Can’t Say No

“Caroline,” I correct. I let the idea hang for a moment. The thought of asking for help has my oh so very delicate ego cracking a little. “I’d hate to bother her over something so trivial. I’ll just go see what the big box store in town has.”

Matty barks out a laugh. “Damn that small town really has changed you already. Gonna go get you some Walmart jeans? I need a picture of that. And since when do you care about bothering someone?”

Even with humor in his tone, his words sting. That view of me —a loud, brash taker—is hard to hear. But that’s exactly what I’ve become. For years, no one’s ever told me no. Friends trying to gain social traction, people in the industry trying to make a name for themselves, not to mention the guys who do anything for a chance of a photo with me. The only opposition I’ve ever been met with came from my father. But his disapproval of me only made me more defiant and arrogant.

Something about being back in Ridgecrest though… I can feel all the rough edges I’ve acquired begin to round out and soften. My typical bitchy, take-no-shit attitude doesn’t land quite as well here.

“Earth to Delaney. Did your WiFi cut? You froze on me.”

I blink myself back to reality, and back to the glaring issue at hand. “Sorry yeah, that’s a good idea. I’ll text Caroline and see if she’ll come shopping with me or something.”

We exchange our goodbyes and I fire off a quick SOS text to my newest friend, mind reeling a little at the realization that maybe my take no shit facade is starting to crack. A wave of panic starts to build, because I really do not have the time to create a new character.

Before I can descend into full existential crisis, my phone vibrates with an incoming call.

“Delaney! Late notice!” Caroline’s voice rings out. “Don’t you leave for the choir trip tomorrow after school?” I hear a high pitched whistle on the other line and Caroline’s muffed voice shouting. “Sorry, coaching soccer. Middle school girls will be the death of me. I’m done in fifteen. Meet me at my house in thirty minutes and you can raid my closet.”

The line goes dead and I chuckle to myself. While some might find Caroline a little brusque, I appreciate how succinct she is.

My SUV appeared back in the driveway this morning with a note from Connor. He picked it up late last night after fixing yet another emergency on the farm. I try to find that sweet sense of freedom as my Lexus purrs to life once again, but I’m already missing Connor driving me around.

Get it together, Delaney.

My phone dings with an address and I steer the car down the driveway, following the directions across town.

The house I pull up to seems alive. Flowers threaten to spill out of planters, pastel shutters frame the windows, and a bright yellow door punctuates the happy vibe. For a Thursday evening, there’s a lot of activity. Five cars out front, a handful of people sitting on the front porch, and a dog running around in the yard. It all feels very Caroline.

I wave to the group of twenty something’s on the porch watching me get out. “I’m looking for Caroline?” I ask brightly, trying to match the cheery atmosphere. Coming from a dull, empty house to this vibrant explosion of life sends a funny little pang of jealousy through me. Chaos has never been so appealing.

Before any of the guys can answer, Caroline pops her head though the bright yellow door. “Come on in! Roommates, meet Delaney. Delaney, meet roommates.” The trio of young men on the porch nod politely, their wide-eyed gawking kept to a minimum, and I follow Caroline inside.

The interior of the house is just as full and busy as the exterior. It’s a mix of fraternity house and shabby chic cottage, and surprisingly, it’s a vibe. “How many people live here?” I ask, taking it all in.

Caroline laughs a little, “Overwhelmed by the chaos? Five of us. I inherited the house when my parents died a few years ago and decided to rent out the rooms. Offsets my teacher salary and keeps me company.” She shrugs a little and motions me to follow her towards the back of the house. “I’ve got a great little crew of Lost Boys right now.” She laughs again before opening the door to her room.

I take in her words with care. “Not to give you empty platitudes, but sorry to hear about your parents.”

Caroline shrugs again as we enter her room. It’s bright and airy, but with clear remnants of her childhood decor still scattered around.

“Thanks, yeah it was a rough couple of years. But I’ve learned to grow alongside the grief and carry it with me instead of letting it weigh me down or hold me back. Helps to have this house, to still feel so grounded to them.”

Her perspective stuns me to silence.

“Anyway!” She says, throwing open her closet, “You’re going for an inconspicuous, casual vibe for the trip right? Mrs. Crane is gonna die over how often you get stopped by fans.” Caroline giggles to herself and starts dragging out pieces of her wardrobe.

“Yeah, I’m kinda dreading it. Stuff like this makes me wish…” I trail off, because I’m not really sure what I wish. I feel like a bitch to wish for a different life; I know I’m living out millions of little girls’ dream. But at the same time, there’s a normalcy that I crave that I’ve never really known. “I don’t know, makes me wish that I could turn it off for a little while.”

Caroline just nods thoughtfully, laying out outfits on her bed. “I get that, in a very different way. Sometimes it would be nice to simply not be in your present reality for a minute. Try on a different life for a day.” She pauses, assessing the clothes in front of us.

“Not saying this will be life altering, but a change in your style might give you a little jolt of life. What do you think about these options?”

Jeans, neutral tops, and two simple sweaters, a black one and a grey one. So different from my over the top, loud wardrobe.

“I love it.” And I do. Because the clothes are everything I’m not: simple, understated, casual.

“Thank you so much for letting me borrow them.”

Caroline waves me off, “No big deal.”