Page 184 of These Secret Years

“Yeah? A believer in what? Long distance relationships?”

I shake my head. “In us.”

His grip on my hand tightens. After a short silence, he says. “Hey, congratulations on graduation. I don’t think I said that yet.”

I let out a soft breath. “Thanks.” It wasn’t all that long ago when I was questioning whether I wanted to live to see this day, so it’s a big deal. I’m still trying to learn how to take pride in my accomplishments, using Knight as my model for how to do everything the right way. The first step is to acknowledge the compliment.

I’d like to say I learned that in therapy, but I’ve been to six first appointments with six different therapists, and I haven’t found anyone I’m comfortable with yet. I’ve promised Knight I’ll keep trying, even in Sunrise Point.

Once he and I got back on track, though, formal therapy feels less urgent. He’s been so patient with this new, more wrecked version of me, and I’ve learned to be more respectful of his own boundaries, and together, we’ve rebuilt our relationship, love, commitment, and sex included.

The confidence he gives me at home bleeds into everything I do, and while I’m far from healed, I am no longer incapable of joy or gratitude. With no end to his love in sight, I can go at my own pace, and as long as he knows I’m with him no matter what—that he’s the only one I want, he allows it. Hence his frequent need for reassurance. I don’t mind it.

“Yesterday, I watched seven videos on how to hang windows,” he volunteers.

“Oh yeah? What about foundation repair?”

He chuckles. “My mom asked what you wanted for graduation…”

“No.”

“They’ll be finished in a week.”

“Shut up, Knight. You’re such an asshole. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because maybe I like keeping secrets.”

“Well, you’re good at it. And so’s your mom, damn. She also gave me an amazing set of headphones.”

“It’s a football thing,” he says. “The decoy.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Anyway, I didn’t want you to stress about me and the windows, like if something goes wrong. I didn’t want you to think I’d knock the place off its foundation or whatever.”

“I’m still not convinced that house is capable of standing up to power tools.”

“Well, we’ll find out soon enough. Hey, did your dad and Davy tell you what they gave me?”

I stiffen in my seat. This is news. “They got you a gift?”

He lifts his brows, and his grin widens.

“What?” I ask, slightly horrified.

He shifts in his chair and thrusts his left arm toward me. On it, there’s a watch band with no watch. “Classy,” I deadpan.

He sets his beer bottle down in the dirt and unbuckles the leather strap before handing it over. Something is burned into the inside, and I have to squint and turn it toward the fire to make it out.

“It’s handmade,” Knight informs me.

I can sort of see that, but it’s also nice. The signs for Leo and Aquarius are there, along with the year of our birth. I’m the Leo. My smile is soft, and my throat tightens some. “This is cool.”

He takes it back from me and returns it securely to his wrist. “Never taking it off. Not until you put a ring on me anyway.”

I laugh at that. My dad and Davy—and yes they are a couple—have stayed clean, and I’d even call them healthy. My dad had the ablation surgery in March, and it went great. I was even able to be there since it was over spring break. They’re now saving up to get a house together and move out of the trailer, although the place doesn’t smell nearly as bad as it used to since they both quit smoking.

Like with Knight’s uncles, it rattled my dad when Knight’s father died so unexpectedly. I guess Davy made him realize he had something to live for. And maybe I had something to do with it, too, but I’m not taking any credit there. Despite what he said when he was coming out of anesthesia about how he wanted to always be here for me, it’s been his actions since that have spoken louder. His calls, his attention, his overtures toward my mom to be involved in my sister’s life in whatever small way they’ll allow.