Page 71 of These Secret Years

He pours another shot of tequila for himself. “Since I found out summer’s fucking over.” Grimly, he downs his drink and looks at me with weary eyes.

“I mean…don’t do me any favors.”

He puts his hand on my cheek and gets closer to me. “You’d be doing me a favor. That’s how sucking cock works.”

“You act like you enjoy it when you do it.”

“Oh, I do. I think you will, too. It’s a win-win.”

“What’s going on with you?” I ask, buzzed enough to ask without any second guesses.

“I told you I trust you, right? Like we had that whole conversation on the balcony. Didn’t we?”

I nod.

His face draws closer to mine. “You don’t need to know everything, do you? I’ll tell you if I have to, but I really don’t want to have to.”

“Does that mean you’re keeping secrets?”

“Just one. Just like you do.”

“But you know my secret,” I say quietly, my dick growing hard from how close he is. The heat of his breath on my mouth.

He swallows hard. I was wrong. The look in his eyes isn’t weary. Now that he’s closer, I’d call it haunted. “I don’t want you to hate me,” he says.

I decide I don’t want to know his secret. “So, I get to touch you?”

He nods, his thumb gliding back and forth over my cheekbone, his gaze dropping to my mouth.

“Anywhere I want?”

“Everywhere,” he whispers.

“You’re so fucking confusing.”

A self-deprecating huff of a laugh escapes him. “Only because I’m so fucking confused.”

“Then maybe we shouldn’t⁠—”

“Not about this,” he says. His lashes graze my stubble when he whispers, “Touch me. Suck me. Fuck me.”

My dick surges upward in my pants, and I grab him by the back of the neck, slamming our mouths together. His arms wrap around me, and his lips open, his tongue shooting out to meet mine—full contact. Both our heads slant in opposite directions, deepening the kiss as my heart pounds brutally in my chest.

As we kiss and kiss, I test this offer he’s made, moving my hands down his back to settle on his hips where I get a firm grip. He rolls his crotch against mine while he feeds me a low groan. Do I know what I’m doing? No. But I can’t say I’m worried about it. If we’re never gonna get together again after this, it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t like the way I suck him or handle him. He’s giving the impression he’ll tolerate anything tonight.

There’s something off about it for sure, but I think he’ll be more pissed at me if we don’t go through with this than if we do. There’s an urgency in his kiss and his grasp I haven’t felt before. He needs this. Maybe his reasoning is fucked up, but I’d rather support him than make him doubt himself. And yeah, I wanna do all the other things he mentioned, too.

Together we stumble toward the air mattress, letting go of each other long enough to strip naked. The sight of all his long lines and his thick, jutting cock causes a spurt of precum to spill from my dick right after I pull down my pants. I lick my lips as he lies back on the mattress and take a moment to appreciate the hair that’s grown back on his legs and the fact that he’s kept his balls baby smooth. He is so goddamn beautiful, and I seriously think he’s got no idea.

Because he still says stupid shit like, “You don’t have to.”

A flush covers his entire body, deepening as I stare down at him.

I shake my head slightly. “You say the word if you want me to stop.”

He lifts a hand like he wants me to take hold of it, but I just give it a squeeze before lowering myself to all fours and making a space for myself between his legs. Hunger as strong as starvation consumes me as I wrap my arms beneath his thighs and lower myself onto my belly. I lick a line from his balls all the way up his dick before he grabs me by the head and gasps my name.

I glance up at him, at his hooded eyes and his wet, parted lips. His chest heaves with deep breaths. His abs are so tense I could use them as a trampoline. He nods, whispering, “Okay, okay.” Getting one of my arms back, I angle the crown of his cock to my lips. I lick at the slit, tasting his precum. It’s like the single drip of nectar from a honeysuckle bloom. I lick it again, squeezing his cock like I can make more come out.