Page 40 of Melt His Heart

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“Julian! Good to have you back, thank you for doing this again!” Coach says.

I come to the bench area and put my bag down; the kids are already getting prepared to get on the ice. They look so cheerful and free. I wonder if I wore the same look when I was their age.

“It’s no problem, Coach.” I smile.

“Well, the kids are pretty much ready to hit the ice. Some of them are at different levels of skating, so we group them based on where they are currently. You and Young are taking the more advanced kids.”

My breath catches, me and who?

“Carson is here?” I say, my eyes widening.

“Yeah, figured we’d have one pro hockey player and one figure skater. Both sports could really teach the kids different things.” He says, unaware of the internal strife I’m feeling. The rink walls are definitely closing in.

“Right.” I thin my lips to stop me from cringing.

I’m nervous as I make my way onto the ice where the children and….Carson are waiting for me. I skate over, and Carson looks at me, his face unreadable, and I feel like I’m going to melt right there. Joining him by his side in front of the children, I avoid eye contact with him.

“Alright, kiddos, now that we’re all here, finally.” He starts, and I feel there’s a bit of ice in his tone. Is he upset with me? What a stupid question. Why wouldn’t he be?

“I’m Carson Young, Captain of the New Jersey Scorpions, and it’s nice to meet you all.” He continues giving the children a big grin when they all cheer.

“Hi everyone, I’m Julian Song, National Figure Skating Champion of South Korea.” I introduce myself, and all the children clap excitedly. I feel Carson looking at me, but I’m still afraid to look at him, afraid of what I’ll find.

“So, how about we get started with a warm-up skate around the rink?” Carson says.

“Yay!” They all whoop and start their first lap.

“Can we talk later, or are you still feeling sick?” He says, and I whip my head toward him.

“I’m not.” I deadpan, not entirely sure why I feel so defensive.

“Good to know.” He says, his voice clipped, “So we can talk?”

“Sure.” I nod.

I finally look up at him, and I want to die on the spot. He’s looking at me still with softness in his eyes, but I can see I’ve hurt him. He’s biting his lip and his brows are furrowed as if he’s holding back what he really wants to say, and I suddenly just want this all to be over. The event, the talk, the day, all three. But I know I can’t avoid this forever, and I hate that I’m the cause of his anguish.

“Is your dad ok?” He breaks my thoughts.

“Oh…Yes. And, thank you, Carson.”

“For what?”

“Everything,” I say, looking up at him, hoping he can see how sorry I am, though I didn’t apologize for a thing. His smile is faint, but it’s there, and I feel like I received an award that I didn’t deserve for the first time ever.

We break off into groups, Carson taking one and me the other. Most of the children are picking up the lesson pretty quickly, but when I look over to the benches, there’s a little boy sitting by himself. I walk over to him and join him, his legs swinging slowly.

“Hi.” He greets me.

“Hey.” I smile at him.

“How long did it take you to learn skating?” He asks.

“Not long, I think, if I’m being honest.” I chuckle, thinking back to the first time I took to the ice. It really did just come to me naturally.

“I wish I could do that. But I’m still learning, and I don’t know if I can get it like everyone else.” He says, looking down at his skates.