Page 79 of Melt His Heart

“I know that!” I stammer.

“Oh, I was just reassuring you in case you wanna dip again.”

Yeah, especially after last night. I haven’t even begun to address what happened and where his lips were. But I think I’ve worked past running away. In fact, being normal and un-horny is becoming increasingly harder around Carson lately, and I’m not sure what to do about that. We’re not even together, making sex even more daunting for me.

But I do know what my body wants.

“Great, so this coming Monday then. You can spend the night, and I’ll take you to the rink.” He declares.

“Yeah, sounds good,” I mumble.

Spend the night.

Me and Carson finish up our breakfast. He helps me clean the kitchen and the living room. We work in silence, and everything is back to the way it was before; it’s peaceful, like a pleasant daydream. This feels so nice, having him here with me. I wish this tiny moment could last longer, but I promised Liam I would meet with him today. I haven’t seen him since returning from Ohio. I think I need some advice, and honestly, I just miss him.

“Well, I need you to get going. I’ve got an appointment with Liam.”

“I still can’t believe you have friends.” Carson turns to me, mouth dramatically agape, “I’m so proud of you.” He continues teasing me.

“You’re so annoying, really, get out!” I shoo him as he’s putting his shoes on.

“So I’ll see you then?”

“Yeah,” I say softly, his face gets closer and close my eyes in anticipation.

“Good.” He whispers over my lips before ruffling my hair and leaving me pouting in frustration.

* * *

“I think I want Carson to fuck me.”

“For real this time.”

Liam spits a bit of his coffee back into his cup in shock.

“Sorry, that was a bit vulgar.” I say, “But it’s the truth.” I laugh at the face he’s giving me right now.

“Ok, well that’s a start. Finally admitting it because before you were being all coy with me about this.” He laughs.

We’re at a neighborhood cafe that Liam wanted to show me because I haven’t had much time since we met to explore any more of the neighborhood. I must admit the coffee is pretty good; they make a good americano. But I can’t stop thinking about Carson, every part of him, and the fact that every part of him and I are going to be alone in his apartment in not even two days.

“Well, does Carson know you want Carson to fuck you?” He giggles.

“Obviously not,” I take a sip of my drink, “but I’m spending the night on Monday…at his place,” I say, fidgeting with the sleeve around my cup.

“Ohhh.” Liam says, brows raising into his hair, “What are you going to do?” He asks.

“That’s what I’m asking you! What should I do?” I groan.

“Just do whatever feels natural, don’t overthink it. If it goes there, then let it, Julian.” I never let anything go anywhere naturally except skating, of course.

“What does that even mean?”

“Just let the night lead you to wherever you end up. Even if it’s on the floor.” He smirks.

“Haha…very funny.” I roll my eyes.

We sip on our drinks and critique the pastries while we talk about everything under the sun. The flower shop, Kevin’s obsession with orange, and hockey, of course, and when the next round of classes will start up. When we both laugh at something Liam is ranting about, I feel a sense of warmth. The mundaneness of it all is my favorite part.