Page 136 of Sparks Fly

Sawyer looked at me. “I don’t want to be your secret, Addie.”

The words hit hard. “You’re not.”

“I know that’s not how you see me.” Her voice stayed quiet. “But you pulled your hand away like touching me was something you could get caught doing. Then you told your best friend, Addison. Your best friend, who I haven’t even met after eight weeks of us being together, that I was just someone who worked with your brother.”

“I panicked.”

“And you lied.”

I swallowed. “I’m trying. You know I am.”

“I do.” Her jaw tightened. “And I’ve been patient because I know this is hard for you. But I’m also falling in love with you.”

My heart stuttered.

Sawyer looked away for a second before meeting my eyes again. “And I don’t want to fall in love with someone who can’t tell the people closest to her that I’m her girlfriend.”

Tears blurred my vision. “That’s not fair.”

“I know it isn’t simple.” She stepped closer and lowered her voice. “I’m not asking you to come out to the whole world tomorrow. I’m not even asking to be your wedding date. I’m asking not to disappear when someone you love walks into the room.”

“I’m scared,” I admitted. The words tore out of me. “I’m scared of what happens when I open that door. Of what my mother will do with it. What she’ll take from me.”

Sawyer nodded slowly. “And I’m scared of what it means if you never open it.”

Silence settled between us. “I don’t want this to be a fight.”

“Neither do I. But I don’t want it to keep hurting quietly either.”

I reached for her sleeve. “Please don’t leave.”

Her eyes closed for a second before she pressed her forehead to mine. “I’m not leaving you,” she whispered. “But I can’t stay tonight.”

The words hurt more than anger would have.

“I need some space. Not from you. Just from this feeling.”

I nodded even though my chest felt like it was collapsing.

Sawyer kissed me. Slow and aching, full of everything neither of us knew how to fix yet.

When she pulled back, her eyes were shining too. “I love what we have,” she said quietly. “I just need to know there’s a place for it outside of the two of us.”

Then she stepped away, shoving her hands into her pockets. “I’ll talk to you later this week.”

“Yeah,” I whispered.

She walked away with her shoulders squared and didn’t look back.

I stayed there long after she disappeared around the corner, the weight of my fear pressing down on my chest.

I hadn’t just hurt her. I had made her feel like loving her was something I could only do in private.

* * *

39

Sawyer