Page 17 of To Love the Stars too Fondly

“When are you going to see them again?” Mom pressed.

I shrugged, which was the most blatant lie of the night. I’d see Alex tomorrow around 8 AM, just like always.

At least…I hoped so.

Mom’s smile was warmth in the storm. “Well, I’m always here if you want to talk. In the meantime, I’d like to get out of these clothes.”

“Of course. Goodnight, Mom.”

“Goodnight, Terra. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Mom left, and I retreated to my room. The juvenile space hadn’t been updated since my high school decorating days, with glow-in-the-dark stars puttied to the ceiling and fairy lights around a Goodwill vanity. A few band posters on the wall, plus a prized poster of the Andromeda Galaxy I’d gotten from a field trip to the science center, and the unmatching set of sheets screamed anything but a respectable twenty-three-year-old woman, but I was hardly respectable.

My phone buzzed. I whipped it out, pulse spiking at the one unread message—

Don’t leave me hanging. Don’t you want this?

And a dick pic. Chad.

Nothing from Alex.

I deleted the dick pic, really not wanting to be jump-scared again, then switched to my new text thread with Alex. No read receipt.

Alex had driven me home. She’d come all the way to the shop just to give me her number, and I was starting to suspect she had stuck around to make sure I’d had a ride.

All because she liked me too much. Why did she like me at all, though?

The untouched text thread with Cliff loomed like a cursed object. I had to show Alex at some point…but then there was that damn picture. Cliff hadn’t reached out again, but I felt uneasy.

I set the phone on the bedside table and crawled into the twin bed, my nausea at ignoring Chad somehow dampened by a gnawing…guilt? It seemed like a betrayal to Alex, but that was stupid. Alex and I weren’t anything.

“Let me take care of you,” she’d said, and I shivered at the memory of her hot breath on my lips.

I shut my eyes, determined to sleep. Instead, I tossed and turned, disgruntled by memories of Alex touching me in the car….

Buzz. Buzz.

Blindly, I reached for my phone, the dim light aggravating my eyes in the darkness. One unread message from Alex.

Won’t be in bed for what? 😉

Dammit. I hadn’t actually finished the text. Now I had to think of something clever. The winky face meant I could flirt a little, right? I was so confused. Everything about Alex confused me.

Guess I was playing the game. I typed back: I won’t be in bed without thinking about tonight 😘 Hope you don’t mind.

Alex replied quickly this time. I’m definitely thinking about you.

In a good way, right? Frantic, I tugged the metallic string on the lamp on my bedside, flinching when warm light filled the room. Half-blind, half-anxious, I pushed aside my blanket and all but ripped off my shirt. I could salvage this. She didn’t want to grope me in the car, but I could lure her in with a teaser, right? It was a nice thank you. Polite, even. I settled back down, then arranged my hair to cover one tit and cupped the second for a quick photo. No face. No need.

I hope so. Send.

The phone buzzed in sync with hitting send: I don’t want to risk oversharing, but I think it’s only fair to admit I haven’t been with anyone for over two years, for personal reasons. But I’d be willing to end that for you. It’s not that I don’t want to have sex with you. Fully the opposite. I think you’re beautiful, but I want to treat you right.

My face burned, a very different panic overtaking the cold terror of rejection. Damn multi-texters. My fingers flew in an apology, when another message appeared: Nice.

In the silence of night, I muttered, “She acts all sweet, and you just send her a nude, you stupid….”