Page 48 of To Love the Stars too Fondly

But there were so many more. Too many to absorb.

Winthrop Sisters Arrested for Drug Possession

Heiress Overdoses a Second Time

Alexandria Winthrop Pictured Leaving Rehab—EARLY

Local Heiress Involved in Near-Fatal DUI

I felt nothing at all.

I took note of the dates. Not one was more recent than two years. Image searches revealed Alex’s mug shots and being photographed on the street. No tattoos. No scars.

Did I truly know nothing of Alex? I hadn’t known she’d finished college, much less Cornell. And I hadn’t known she’d nearly killed someone behind the wheel, driving drunk and high.

“Terra….”

I looked up at Mom, only then realizing I was crying. My lip trembled as Mom’s arms come around me.

She stayed there as I clicked each condemning article, felt her eyes scan the text with me. It all made too much sense.

I still couldn’t feel it.

“She’s different now, Mom,” I managed to whisper, my voice hoarse from tears. She had to be. I’d seen it. I’d felt it. I knew it.

“Maybe she is.” Mom squeezed my arms, then released me. “But I just don’t know, so it scares me.”

“But I know!” I said, though regret filled me at the outburst. “She’s clean. She’s been clean for two years. And she’s been coming into my shop every morning at 8 AM for almost as long, so I do know her. And you don’t know this, but she even protected me when Cli—some creep came in and started harassing me. She’s so kind to me, Mom. Whatever this is”—I scrolled down on the search results, anguish filling me—“it isn’t who she is anymore. I know. I just do.”

Mom paused, her red-rimmed eyes filled with unshed tears. “I hope you’re right. Just…after everything with El, it scares me so bad.” Her voice broke with the name.

“After El, everything scares me,” I admitted, fighting my own choking tears. “Alex is the first thing that’s made me want to be brave.”

Mom nodded, saying nothing as she returned to the stove, stirring the noodles just a little too furiously.

I kept on scrolling, drawn to disaster like a moth to a bug zapper.

Dinner was awkward, cut short when I discovered a Youtube playlist detailing every scandal Alexandria Winthrop had been in since she’d was 16 and pulled over for her first DUI. I escaped to my room with an apology, guilt at ruining dinner paling to this obsessive need to know, to understand the truth.

Even the more-or-less benign headlines felt so exploitative, like I’d stumbled upon a diary I wasn’t meant to read.

Senator Vera Winthrop and her daughters spotted on campus at Cornell

Cozy Crib or Sex Dungeon? Join our walking tour of the home of the infamous party queen, Alexandria Winthrop

Winthrop heiress spotted holding hands with oil tycoon heiress

The whole world had read it, though. And I knew—God, I knew—how sickening that felt.

There were headlines about her sister, though they paled in number by far.

Katerina Winthrop, daughter of Senator Vera Winthrop, turns heads at Fashion Week.

It was clear who the golden child was.

I was no stranger to trauma and PTSD. Every action Alex had taken as a young adult…I wasn’t sure what the final puzzle was supposed to be, but I recognized some of the pieces.

Was that why she’d been so shaken at the door? Did she think I’d find out and leave her?