Page 54 of To Love the Stars too Fondly

With that, the cake was spoiled. I forced myself to swallow and nod. “Yes, but also something else.” I didn’t want to tell Alex I had nightmares of her dying in my arms. Not tonight. This feeling, whatever I dared to call it, was so tentative, so new, so beautiful.

I didn’t need to mar it with my own damn issues. Alex was overcoming hers, and I….

Well, I wouldn’t let it ruin the night, at least. I’d ruin it some other way. My voice lowered. “I was reading some things last night.”

She froze, her pale countenance something losing more color. “Oh?”

“Your niece—Lily, right? I-Is she okay?”

“She’s fine,” Alex said, all but spitting the words out.

I winced, unprepared for…that. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to make any jabs. I just saw something about maybe her overdosing—”

“And assumed it was about me?”

I sat back, alarm bells ringing in my head. “No. That’s why I’m asking you, because it didn’t add up.”

“It was my sister,” Alex said, venom spewing at the word. “She left oxy out for the kid to grab and was too high off her ass to do anything about it. But you, me, and the tabloids thought it was my fucking fault, except I never took oxy. But we didn’t know it was oxy until they tested her, so I tried to kill myself because I’m a coward. I wasn’t drunk driving; for fuck’s sake, I’d just gotten out of rehab—”

“Alex, it’s okay.” She was only getting louder. Heads were turning.

Thankfully, she listened. She sat back, looking ready to puke. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, I’m so fucking sorry.” Alex’s breath shuddered. “Terra, I can’t do this. I can’t be here. We have to leave.”

Those alarm bells only rang louder. I waved down the waiter. “We’ll talk outside, okay?”

“Yeah,” Alex muttered. “Let’s go.”

Outside, Alex didn’t try to hold my hand. I didn’t push it, fearing the tabloids, fearing I had hurt her irreparably. “If you’re feeling ill, we can just sit here,” I said, as we waited for her car from the valet. “Or I could drive, though I know that’s kind of a lot of trust for a second date.”

Alex shook her head, though even beneath the warm outdoor lights, she looked pale.

“Alex, I’m really sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything,” she whispered. “It’s okay.”

The car finally pulled up. When the valet helped us in, I kept an eye on Alex, noting her tension.

Things didn’t improve as we drove onto the street. “Alex, can we talk about this?”

“It’s nothing.”

“I’m not stupid. Just tell me what’s on your mind.”

My gut churned as she moved to pull over, parking in a dark lot around the corner. “I can’t breathe in here,” she muttered, her breath coming labored.

When she exited the car, I followed. My heels crunched gravel dust. “If you’re not in the mood, we can just go back to your condo and chill,” I said. “Maybe put on a movie. Or talk.” Despite my words, Alex said nothing, merely stared at the grimy concrete with a trembling jaw. I took her hand and tried to smile, crestfallen when she didn’t smile back. “Alex, what’s going on?”

She gently unthreaded her hand from mine. “We have to break up.”

The twist in my gut became a knot. My throat choked. “Wait, what?”

Her voice came breathless, panicked. “Because you have no fucking idea what you’re signing up for. You deserve better.”

I rapidly shook my head, as though that could erase this new reality. “Yes, I know about your past, Alex. I-I looked it up. I know I probably shouldn’t have, but my mom was worried. I don’t care about any of that though. I don’t care who you were. I care who you are now, and who you are now is sweet and funny and caring and—”