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“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“There’s always something to talk about.” She steps forward, places a hand over mine and something cracks inside of me—I feel it. Actually feel it, and I know it’s the wall I put up months ago. The one that kept all this shit, all the confusion and pain and fear and horror, at bay. It chills me like nothing has since I got that phone call six months ago. Since I stood outside the OR and listened to a doctor tell me my brother would never walk again.
I can feel myself start to shake, and I know I have to stop this, now, before it’s too late. Before I remember what it’s like to feel something other than rage.
Before I break.
I can’t help remembering when I met her the other day. How she went all quiet and trembly and scared in the storage room when I kissed her. It’s how I know what to do next, even though it will make me a total asshole. This tough girl, punk-rock persona of hers will shatter if I put just a little more pressure on it.
“I’ll do it,” I tell her suddenly, and there’s a part of me that can’t believe the words coming out of my mouth even as I’m saying them.
“You will?” Her eyes go wide, hopeful, and she’s smiling like I hung the fucking sun.
The cracks deep inside me get worse, and I shore them up. Concentrate on being a total douche. It isn’t as hard as it should be, but I don’t stop to think about why that might be. “Sure. On one condition.”
“Anything!” She’s beaming, actually beaming. If I could feel lower, I’m not sure how. And still I know I’m going to go through with it, even as she asks, “What is it? What do you want?”
I force myself to smile at her and say the words that I’m certain will send her running for the hills. “I want you to have sex with me.”
For long seconds, Tansy doesn’t say anything. Instead, she just stands there staring at me with her brows furrowed and her mouth gaping open. Every once in a while she closes it, like she’s getting ready to speak, but then it just falls back open again.
Objectively, I know I shouldn’t find it anywhere near as adorable as I do. And yet …
“Say that again?” she finally asks.
“I’ll do it. I’ll go to Chile, as long as you sleep with me first.”
I feel like a total skeeze as I cross my arms over my chest and wait for her to run screaming into the night like the good little girl she is.
Except … she doesn’t. She just stands there, watching me with those wide, innocent eyes of hers, until I feel even skeevier. Even grosser.
Awesome. Nice to know just how far I’ve fallen. My parents would be so proud.
“You want me to—” Her voice breaks.
Great. She can’t even say the words. I’m about to speak up, to tell her to forget the whole thing, when Tansy whispers, “Okay.”
Now it’s my jaw that hits the floor. “Okay?” I demand. “What does that mean?”
She shrugs, and the innocent girl is gone again. In her place is the badass rocker chick. The one who doesn’t take any shit from me. I swear, I can’t keep up. Her split personalities are giving me whiplash. “It means okay. Let’s do it.”
There’s a ringing in my ears and for a second I think my head might actually have exploded. But nope, it’s still there. I reach a hand up, run it over the back of my hair, just to be sure. Yep, everything is still in place. Which means I’m not having a stroke. And probably not having aural hallucinations, either. Which means … “You’re saying … yes?” I ask, my voice sounding strangled to my own ears.
“Sure.” She shrugs like it’s no big deal. Like she didn’t stand against me in that storage room and tremble from just my lips brushing over her skin. “But I didn’t bring condoms, so I hope you have some. I figure you must, right? Considering your extracurricular activities in the storage room. But where do you want to do it? I mean, Logan’s right down the hall and I don’t want him to hear us. So, maybe after he goes to bed? How do you usually—”
She steps forward and I take a step back. A few steps back, if I’m honest. But holy shit. I just levered the most insulting thing I could think of at her and she just said … yes? I can’t wrap my brain around it. Too bad my dick isn’t having the same problem. It’s more than ready to take her answer and run with it.
But my cock doesn’t make my decisions for me. Or at least that’s what I tell myself as I struggle with what I’m supposed to do now. Of all the scenarios I’d envisioned—Tansy slapping me, Tansy screaming at me, Tansy running away—i
t never once occurred to me that she’d say yes.
“What’s wrong?” she breaks off, looking confused. I guess my shock is finally translating.
“I just, didn’t think you’d be so …”
“So what?”
So not angry at me. But I can’t actually say that. Right? Because that would be weird. Not like this whole thing isn’t weird, because it is. But that would be really weird. I cast around for something to say, settle finally on, “So helpful about the whole thing?”
