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“Why wouldn’t I be helpful? This way, we both get what we want, right? And it’s an equal exchange of services.”
Equal exchange of—Jesus Christ, who is this girl? Ten minutes ago she could barely say the word fuck and now she’s talking about prostituting herself to help some kid she barely knows get his Make-A-Wish. My mind is boggling. Actually boggling. I don’t even know if that’s a verb, but I swear that’s what’s happening to me right now.
And that’s before she starts talking again.
“Now that I think about it, I get that you might not want to do it here, because of your brother. But I’m not really up for the storage closet, so is there another choice? I still live at home, so my place is out. But maybe, we could get a hotel room or something? Just for a couple hours? I mean, maybe it won’t take that long, but still. I kind of prefer a bed. I’m free tomorrow, but what does your schedule look like? Because I can be—”
I lift up a hand, afraid my ears might actually start bleeding from the sheer number of words tumbling out of her mouth at a truly alarming rate. “Stop!” It comes out sounding harsher than I planned, but then, what about this whole fucking night has gone according to plan?
The harshness works, at least for a couple of seconds. She stands there, gaping at me, while I try to get my jaw up off the floor and blank out the images of her and me rolling around, naked, on some anonymous hotel bed. It’s a lot harder than it should be.
“Stop what?” she finally asks.
“Stop talking. Stop thinking. Just … stop.”
Chapter 8
Tansy
Just stop.
The words echo in the room around us and they shut me up, exactly as I think Ash intended. Part of me wants to ask what specifically he wants me to stop. Talking? Planning? Breathing? From the look on his face, I’m afraid it’s all of the above.
But that doesn’t make sense, right? I mean, I’ve agreed with everything he’s wanted. Everything he’s asked. Yeah, I put my foot down about the storage closet, but surely that’s negotiable.
I mean, how many girls actually want to lose their virginity in a storage closet?
It’s never been a dream of mine, but then, up until recently, I never let myself dream about anything. It was too painful to think about a future I’d never get the chance to live.
But Ash is looking at me like I’ve lost my mind. And maybe I have. That was a lot of talking I just did. But I couldn’t help it. Once I started, my nerves took over and I couldn’t stop. The words literally fell out of my mouth without any conscious effort on my part whatsoever.
Now that I’ve finally shut up—thanks to Ash—I can’t help wondering if it was crazy of me to agree to his demands so easily. Yes, I’ve been thinking about those moments at the resort, and what could have happened if I’d let it, from pretty much the second I walked away from him the other day. Thinking about the way his mouth felt on my skin, his breath hot against my neck. And while I know most people would think it was demeaning of me to take his deal—to exchange sex for a snowboarding trip, even one this important—the truth is I don’t feel like that at all.
I mean, when else am I going to have the chance to sleep with a guy—any guy, let alone one as hot and drop-dead gorgeous as Ash? I’m nineteen years old and I’m not just a virgin, but a complete novice when it comes to guys. I have no idea how to flirt or how to attract their attention. To be honest, I barely know how to hold a casual conversation with someone I’m not related to.
Not to mention the fact that I’m not exactly what I think anyone would call sexy. I have an okay face, I guess, but that hasn’t gotten me very far. Especially considering that years of cancer treatments have left me short, close to bald and way too skinny. There’s a part of me that figures this second offer from Ash will probably be the only one I get for a while and I’m not ready to let it slip past.
Except, he’s looking a little green and nowhere near as enthusiastic about my acceptance as I thought he’d be. Hoped he’d be. God, have I screwed this up before we even got started? I seriously can’t believe how hard it is for a girl to lose her virginity in this city.
Eventually, I get tired of waiting for Ash to speak—and tired of him staring at me like I’m an alien from another planet. “What’s wrong? You look like I just kicked your dog.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “What’s wrong? You just agreed to fuck me so that I’d go on a trip with you.”
“But I thought that was what you wanted!” Now I’m really confused. “You said—”
“What I wanted was for you to get pissed off. I thought you’d slap me and storm out. It never occurred to me that you’d actually take me up on it.”
The truth of what’s going on here finally registers and my stomach hits my brand-new, high-heeled boots with a powerful thud. Oh, God. Ohgodohgodohgod!
He doesn’t want me. At all. At all. I mean, it’s not like I thought he really wanted me, me, but I thought he at least found me attractive enough to sleep with. He did come on to me the other day, after all. But he doesn’t. Not even for a one-night thing. Not even for a one-hour thing. He was just trying to get rid of me. Trying to make me go away.
Oh my God. Oh my God. What have I done?
Humiliation sweeps through me and I can feel tears blooming, hot and wet, in the corners of my eyes. Considering I gave up crying a long time ago, it’s doubly humiliating.
I turn away before he can see them, blink fast and furiously in an effort to get rid of the evidence. I’m not going to cry about this and I’m sure as hell not going to cry about it here, in front of him.
“Tansy?” Ash sounds as confused as I feel. “Are you okay?”
