Page 98 of Depraved

Images of him, of me, of us together flashed through my mind, and the memory of being with him worsened the pain tenfold. It made everything worse because I loved it. I missed it. And I wanted it again. I wanted to be with him, and I hated myself for it. Wanting him still made me weak. It made me pathetic. Most of all, it made me a fucking hypocrite because I longed for the man who tainted me with the blood of another.

God. How was I going to survive this? Was there ever going to be an ending to all this?

I wasn’t strong enough.

I wasn’t strong enough to fight him…or the hold he had on my heart. No matter what kind of devil he was.

CHAPTER THIRTY

GRANITE

Leaning against the door, I listened to her cries. Every tear she shed was like a hot knife slicing through my flesh. Every cry, every whimper had me bleeding on the inside, slowly rotting and dying.

When I walked into the room and my gaze fell on her fragile form, all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and carry her away—far away from all of this. I wanted to soothe her, comfort her, take care of her. But I couldn’t. I was the reason she was broken in the first place. If it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t have been feeling all that pain right now.

Even through the thin fabric of the clothes she wore, I could see the bones of her shoulders protruding. Her arms were thin enough for me to wrap my fingers around, and her hair was a mess of dirty strands. She was in hell…because of me.

I stood inside that room, silently, listening to her soft whimpers, her rapid breaths. Being so close to her yet unable to touch her was the worst kind of agony a man like me had ever felt. I’d taken bullets, survived blades and punches. But her pain was something I wasn’t sure I’d be able to survive. It was too much, so I left, a bigger mess than when I went in.

“Fuck,” I whispered while leaning my head to the side and closing my eyes.

“You need to tell her.”

Startled, I looked around and saw Onyx standing at the end of the hall. “You need to tell her, Granite.”

“No.” I stomped off in the other direction. Onyx followed.

“She’s going to kill herself over this. You know that, right?”

“She won’t. This will all be over soon.”

“How?” He grabbed my elbow, and this time I swung around, balling my fist, ready to punch him. But I managed to stop myself in time, biting my bottom lip.

“Stop,” I warned him. “Just…stop.”

“I’m sorry, brother. But this time I won’t stop until you do the right fucking thing.”

“Don’t.”

A threatening grin spread across his face. “Not this time. You tell her, or I will.”

I lost it. His threat pushed me over the edge, and I grabbed his throat, slamming his back into the wall, digging my fingers into his neck while pinning his shoulder with my other hand. “If you so much as breathe in her direction, I will kill you. I swear to God, I’ll drive my knife through your heart and feel nothing.” My jaw clenched, nostrils flared, anger resonating from every pore.

“Why the fuck won’t you tell her? She needs to know the truth. How in God’s name can you not see that?”

I let go of him with a jerk, snarling like a goddamn animal. Rage made it impossible for me to put words together. God knew it took every ounce of self-control I had to stop myself from beating my own brother.

“Granite, I don’t get it, man. Telling her will end all of this. Why the fuck—” He paused and narrowed his eyes, staring at me like he managed to catch a glimpse inside my head, hearing my every thought. “You’re afraid.” His eyebrows slanted inward. “You’re afraid she’ll forgive you.”

“What?”

“That’s it, isn’t it? You’re afraid if she knows the truth, she’ll forgive you. You can’t deal with that thought because you can’t forgive yourself.”

I wiped my beard with the back of my hand. “Fuck off, Onyx. Get out of my head and mind your own fucking business.”

“That’s the problem, Granite. It’s not just your fucking business. If it affects the club, it’s all of our business.”

“Not her,” I retaliated. “She’s no one’s fucking business except mine.” I took a step forward, holding a finger in his face. “Stay away from her. I mean it.”